> the idea of being told my 1 week old baby is going to die
not
> the idea of my child dying
I am not a parent but I think if I did have a kid I would try everything I could to keep my child alive and minimize pain in my child's life.
I would be deeply unhappy to learn that my children won't live to old age.
Also witnessing the death of a loved one is obviously traumatic. People grieve their parents dying of old age.
> my baby is going to die, woe is me
and more of
> have I failed my baby so much as a parent that he won’t even grow to adulthood (much less have a wonderful, happy life)
It’s not exactly a rational feeling; it’s not like this baby was going to die through lack of parental effort or care or anything else that the parents have any real control over, so it’s not like they could have done anything differently.
Nonetheless, it can make you feel like an utter failure of a parent. To some people (I admit, not everybody), that is absolutely crushing.
This really has nothing to do with the inevitability of death. Death is inevitable, however there is a difference between a child dying and an elderly person dying. A child has potential, they have not lived their lives. A child has not actually lived the full basic human experience, they havent had a crush, or fallen in love or married or had children or had any great successes or failures or close friends or anything, these things everyone does. An older person has, they are not a pure soul who hasnt experienced life. After 70 years you can be sad for the individual passing but happy that they have experienced life. This is why when a parent has a child they arent sad that their child will die in 80 years, but are devasted if they die at a week. The child never even had a chance. When you actually have a child, its an emotional and fulfilling experience, and to have that torn out so early is damaging.
From an empathy and emotional pov these things are so extemely basic and foundational aspects of being a human, a 10 year old from any culture on earth can undersrand this with no difficulty. And any person with even a passing familiarty with logic, ethics or philosophy will dismiss you as being earnest. Which is why people are assuming you are a troll.
Please observe the guidelines, especially these ones:
Be kind. Don't be snarky. Converse curiously; don't cross-examine. Edit out swipes.
Comments should get more thoughtful and substantive, not less, as a topic gets more divisive.
Please don't fulminate. Please don't sneer, including at the rest of the community.
Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith.
Eschew flamebait. Avoid generic tangents. Omit internet tropes.
Please don't use Hacker News for political or ideological battle. It tramples curiosity.
I tried to be the one who didn't do that, but missed the mark. I'd delete it if I could.
It only looks irrational if you don't understand what people and feelings are.
I genuinely can't link any of these to any of my comments, that's why I'm asking. I reread those a couple of times. I really think I've been polite, and I really tried to be, even when called "beteft of humanity", "earnest" and accused of trolling. I did not insult anybody, didn't want to and I certainly didn't want to bring anyone down. I just asked a question that seemed (and still seems) logical to me, only to get shutdown by mass flagging, now by removal of the comment with no real explanation what rules I broke and why I was negative
Please just understand that it can be upsetting to many people in the HN audience, as evidenced by the votes and comments, when the topic of death is addressed in this way: i.e., in a way that seems hyper-rationalist and diminishing of the way premature death – especially of infants and children – is particularly devastating to parents and loved ones.
I might be just shit at expressing my thoughts in English
> when the topic of death is addressed in this way: i.e., in a way that seems hyper-rationalist
This is why I kept pushing and asking - I thought that HN is all about logical thinking and not letting your emotions go through and think for you.
I don't know if you are still insisting that I broke the rules - you don't have to explain in which way I broke them, I understand that I don't understand. A simple yes or no would suffice, if I could ask you.
And thank you for taking the time for discussing this with me. Regardless of the answer for the above question I will refrain from talki