There's a certain wealthy area near me where restaurants ask first if you have allergies, and ice cream shops ask if dairy is ok. My wife and I always joke, "we're in that part of town."
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With a child that has PA on anaphylaxis-level and has had such an reaction a couple of times, and she has thusly built up a fear and anxiety, not being able to casually just let her attend b-day parties etc etc etc, I can assure you it's not a joke to us.
And no, we are not overly clean, in fact love going outdoors into the woods and getting dirt under our fingernails. Nor did we hold her off peanuts when small, her first reaction came when she just had learned to walk at about 10 months and ate a tiny piece found on the floor. And we as parents work very hard on trying to have a casual attitude towards life and work on her anxiety, and not let the PA define who she is or does. But then something like last week happens - those who make the food for school messed up her box of food and she ate mashed pea pattys and got really, really bad, worst in years. Boom, all her confidence in school down the drain.
It's heartbreaking, really. To find her have all that fear and pain, and we can only do so much to help her with that. And it's heartbreaking to see it being a joke to some. When I see such attitudes, I try to think that it comes from someone who is living a happy-path life, and well, good for you.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk, and smash that bell button.
Like if you walk into a store and they offer you coffee or even a glass of prosecco, I would also say to my wife "oh we're in that kind of store now" because you know you're about to be ripped off in some way. Not that other stores are for weaklings.
Like in rich neighborhoods people cannot talk and should be babysat by the serving staff.
It's kind of similar to the Whole Wheat Bakery asking you whether you're OK with gluten. If you aren't, you made a big mistake walking in.
Affluent areas in general have more variety. The ice cream shop may be a place where you can get all kinds of ingredients that you wouldn't find at other places. This is 100% true for "fine dining" and it's one reason why they ask.
They will also have substitutes for an allergy to make the experience just as pleasant, thus they ask.
> Affluent areas in general have more variety.
No, it's definitely a difference in cultural norms, not something driven by the store inventory.
> They will also have substitutes for an allergy to make the experience just as pleasant
This is not the case for dairy in an ice cream shop, or for wheat in a "whole wheat bakery".
> "we're in that part of town."
Given that lactose intolerance impacts non-caucasians much more, this reeks of racism
Lactose intolerance Prevalence by Race:
African Americans: 75-95%
Asian Americans: 70-90%
Native Americans: 70-80%
Hispanic Americans: 50-65%
Caucasians: 15-25%
Pretty common expectation in many countries. I was surprised to see this is not normally a thing in the US, given how we're led to believe how much you guys love to sue each other.
It's just a completely ridiculous thing to check. Like warning that the boiled peanuts contain peanuts, or that a pencil sharpener should not have fingers inserted into it.
You know who "those people" are, don't pretend you don't. You just don't want them mocked either because they make you feel comfy or because you get mistaken for them.
What is heartbreaking for me is all the wasted effort and pressure parents are putting on their children for little tangible gain.
I've been to 40+ countries and not once have I been asked about allergies at a restaurant or food shop (i.e., ice cream, etc.)
Further if the restaurant asks ahead of time, that's a signifier that they take it seriously. If you have to tell them, it's much more likely you will encounter cavalier treatment of cross-contamination and such. For some people, that really can be life or death.
And some gluten free things are pretty good (I'll generally take a gf brownie, cornbread, or carrot cake over the alternative).
But since when is accessibility a bad thing? Are people really troubled by there being options?
(If you're allergic to something more exotic, you also know to not blindly trust the reassurances of people who, while good natured and friendly, never had reason to learn the fine points of allergy stuff.)
Also, people don't generally identify with their allergies, it's not like acknowledging the existence of allergic people in a redundant way validates them or something. A sign notifying that milk-free options are available is plenty.
I'm leaning towards you in this case, since it's so strongly associated ice cream <-> dairy, but nowadays there are all kinds of frozen ice cream-ish products. But yes, a sign is often enough. Not always, since if the allergy is severe enough, you also can't risk the server not to use the same spoon as peanut ice cream, or a separate spoon but rinsed in a bucket with the others. And it's enough with one slipup.
So, for me, I take it as a positive signal that such a place is likely more aware than other places, and is more comfortable with my probing questions. Many places aren't, and yet others try to assert something they actually can't live up to.
It ain't easy, being highly allergic.
Daughter, highly allergic to peanuts since infant. Had a couple of anaphylactic reactions. This causes your whole system to want to f** you up, as violently and as quickly as possible. Rocket vomiting, throat swelling, asthma constricting your airways, intense feeling of heat and sweating and rashes. And anxiety deluxe, since you feel like you are gonna die, since that's literally what happens. It's a cascading system fault, which will lead to organ failure unless you stop it quickly. You do that with an Epipen, which is bug effin needle that hurts (I've taken one), and leaves you shaking from the adrenaline. And you'll be so full of anxiety and stress so you can't take one yourself, you need someone to give it to you. So you hope that adults around you know to recognize what's going on, and know where your shots are, and know how to administer one.
But you are still not safe, since that might not be enough, you may need another shot within perhaps ten minutes, or six hours from rebound effects. And you know, that due to all this you can't just "take a shot and chillax the rest of the day", you'll need an ambulance and stay under observation for those hours, then you'll be tired like after running a marathon, for several days.
Now consider what that does to you, when just a tiny tiny slip-up from someone is enough to send you down that funnel, and you constantly need to be sure you have your shots with you, anything you eat is safe. It's a constant state where you can't just relax and eat snacks with friends, or a million other things you take for granted.
We as parents do what we can do, and try our hardest to not let her get stuck in thinking about it. She should not have to be responsible for those things working, she should just be another kid to the fullest extent.
Then, as mentioned, a reminder comes in the form of school lunch messed up and the teacher that found her panicked on the thought of giving her that needle, so they gtfo out of there.
Final thoughts. I understand, there are those parents who think that their little angel is the most tender fragile thing in the world. I don't know how warranted that is, perhaps there is a real risk for their child, perhaps not. People take risks differently. I can only offer another perspective and hope for better understanding.
We're doing 2200 covers tonight. If you know what that means then you know I don't have a few seconds to spare, and if you don't then you're not really qualified to have this discussion.
>Further if the restaurant asks ahead of time, that's a signifier that they take it seriously. If you have to tell them, it's much more likely you will encounter cavalier treatment of cross-contamination and such
These are provable statements. Prove them.
Southern US; I live in a modest-size metro of about 400k and spend plenty of time in bigger cities.