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349 points zdw | 2 comments | | HN request time: 0s | source
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morshu9001 ◴[] No.45652837[source]
There's a certain wealthy area near me where restaurants ask first if you have allergies, and ice cream shops ask if dairy is ok. My wife and I always joke, "we're in that part of town."
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retSava ◴[] No.45653458[source]
Is the joke that they are respectful with regards to allergies? Or am I reading a bit much of an attitude into your comment? Because it comes off as rude and tone deaf.

With a child that has PA on anaphylaxis-level and has had such an reaction a couple of times, and she has thusly built up a fear and anxiety, not being able to casually just let her attend b-day parties etc etc etc, I can assure you it's not a joke to us.

And no, we are not overly clean, in fact love going outdoors into the woods and getting dirt under our fingernails. Nor did we hold her off peanuts when small, her first reaction came when she just had learned to walk at about 10 months and ate a tiny piece found on the floor. And we as parents work very hard on trying to have a casual attitude towards life and work on her anxiety, and not let the PA define who she is or does. But then something like last week happens - those who make the food for school messed up her box of food and she ate mashed pea pattys and got really, really bad, worst in years. Boom, all her confidence in school down the drain.

It's heartbreaking, really. To find her have all that fear and pain, and we can only do so much to help her with that. And it's heartbreaking to see it being a joke to some. When I see such attitudes, I try to think that it comes from someone who is living a happy-path life, and well, good for you.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk, and smash that bell button.

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1. casey2 ◴[] No.45662785[source]
The joke is on parents who have made it a class signifier that they can afford to be more involved in their childs' life. This then extends to the business they frequent.

What is heartbreaking for me is all the wasted effort and pressure parents are putting on their children for little tangible gain.

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2. retSava ◴[] No.45668762[source]
I get you are speaking broadly and with apparently quite an opinion already (eg, is that common, really? or just your caricature view of an allergic person?), but I can only offer you my/our perspective.

Daughter, highly allergic to peanuts since infant. Had a couple of anaphylactic reactions. This causes your whole system to want to f** you up, as violently and as quickly as possible. Rocket vomiting, throat swelling, asthma constricting your airways, intense feeling of heat and sweating and rashes. And anxiety deluxe, since you feel like you are gonna die, since that's literally what happens. It's a cascading system fault, which will lead to organ failure unless you stop it quickly. You do that with an Epipen, which is bug effin needle that hurts (I've taken one), and leaves you shaking from the adrenaline. And you'll be so full of anxiety and stress so you can't take one yourself, you need someone to give it to you. So you hope that adults around you know to recognize what's going on, and know where your shots are, and know how to administer one.

But you are still not safe, since that might not be enough, you may need another shot within perhaps ten minutes, or six hours from rebound effects. And you know, that due to all this you can't just "take a shot and chillax the rest of the day", you'll need an ambulance and stay under observation for those hours, then you'll be tired like after running a marathon, for several days.

Now consider what that does to you, when just a tiny tiny slip-up from someone is enough to send you down that funnel, and you constantly need to be sure you have your shots with you, anything you eat is safe. It's a constant state where you can't just relax and eat snacks with friends, or a million other things you take for granted.

We as parents do what we can do, and try our hardest to not let her get stuck in thinking about it. She should not have to be responsible for those things working, she should just be another kid to the fullest extent.

Then, as mentioned, a reminder comes in the form of school lunch messed up and the teacher that found her panicked on the thought of giving her that needle, so they gtfo out of there.

Final thoughts. I understand, there are those parents who think that their little angel is the most tender fragile thing in the world. I don't know how warranted that is, perhaps there is a real risk for their child, perhaps not. People take risks differently. I can only offer another perspective and hope for better understanding.