There's a certain wealthy area near me where restaurants ask first if you have allergies, and ice cream shops ask if dairy is ok. My wife and I always joke, "we're in that part of town."
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With a child that has PA on anaphylaxis-level and has had such an reaction a couple of times, and she has thusly built up a fear and anxiety, not being able to casually just let her attend b-day parties etc etc etc, I can assure you it's not a joke to us.
And no, we are not overly clean, in fact love going outdoors into the woods and getting dirt under our fingernails. Nor did we hold her off peanuts when small, her first reaction came when she just had learned to walk at about 10 months and ate a tiny piece found on the floor. And we as parents work very hard on trying to have a casual attitude towards life and work on her anxiety, and not let the PA define who she is or does. But then something like last week happens - those who make the food for school messed up her box of food and she ate mashed pea pattys and got really, really bad, worst in years. Boom, all her confidence in school down the drain.
It's heartbreaking, really. To find her have all that fear and pain, and we can only do so much to help her with that. And it's heartbreaking to see it being a joke to some. When I see such attitudes, I try to think that it comes from someone who is living a happy-path life, and well, good for you.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk, and smash that bell button.
(If you're allergic to something more exotic, you also know to not blindly trust the reassurances of people who, while good natured and friendly, never had reason to learn the fine points of allergy stuff.)
Also, people don't generally identify with their allergies, it's not like acknowledging the existence of allergic people in a redundant way validates them or something. A sign notifying that milk-free options are available is plenty.
I'm leaning towards you in this case, since it's so strongly associated ice cream <-> dairy, but nowadays there are all kinds of frozen ice cream-ish products. But yes, a sign is often enough. Not always, since if the allergy is severe enough, you also can't risk the server not to use the same spoon as peanut ice cream, or a separate spoon but rinsed in a bucket with the others. And it's enough with one slipup.
So, for me, I take it as a positive signal that such a place is likely more aware than other places, and is more comfortable with my probing questions. Many places aren't, and yet others try to assert something they actually can't live up to.
It ain't easy, being highly allergic.