Treating bullying as everyone's problem reduces incidence in primary schools

I hate to be this guy, but being bullied in school is a direct cause of my success in software (and my failure in relationships I guess). I retreated to academics because I was unpopular. I was unpopular in school now I am popular professionally (All the LinkedIn recruiters love me).

I don't mean to say bullying is good but I personally am thankful to my high school bully for keeping me focused on computers (Thanks Fred, I owe you a beer next time we run into each other).

Not trying to discount your personal experience, but I do feel I ought to point out that you don’t actually know what would have happened if you hadn’t been bullied.

It’s good to be satisfied with where your life has taken you, but that’s because you can’t actually change what’s happened and you can’t know how it might have gone otherwise.

Another possible interpretation is that your personal experience (which is valid and I respect) is considered survival bias [1]. As another commenter said we don't know if this would happen if you did not get bullied. And what happens to others who got bullied? We can't draw anything from that. Does bullied people usually tend to more successful professionally later is a different and big question that needs some data to support.

Maybe there are many more people who got bullied and got negative effects of their self-worth and confidence which lead to them struggle in one way or another professionally and socially. Maybe there isn't that many too.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivorship_bias

I hate to be that other guy, and I in no way way want to override your own experiences but... I'm sure my experiences with being bullied have actively hindered me in my life, even 20+ years on. Particularly dealing with confrontation, this constant feeling of 'otherness' around others, and frequent nightmares about people I used to know.

Again, the other reply about not really knowing how you'd turn out applies to me, but it's hard not to think about it.

I don't want to come off like I'm shilling my blog, but last year I finally opened up about being bullied. The second post on the matter specifically talks about how I feel about it as an adult: https://callmeo.live/blog/childhood-bullying-ii-aftermath/

Talk about licking the boot which is stomping on your face!

I'm also glad I was badly bullied as a kid, but for other reasons. In my case it forced me to stop being a physically and mentally weak person and I don't know how that could have possibly have happened without bullying.

I'm also glad I had people around me who pushed me to overcome the bullying rather than telling me I was a victim of it. In my experience people who are taught they are a victim of bullying who most struggle with it. These people believe bullying t be abnormal and expect the world to fix it. But unfortunately bullying is normal and unless you learn to overcome it you'll always be at risk of being a victim of it

Seems like you figured a way out, and Fred was your unwanted motivator.

> Thanks Fred, I owe you a beer next time we run into each other

Please don't encourage others to be bullies.

That comes across as some intense Stockholm.

I personally see my accomplishments as in spite of the bullying, not because of. And I'd wager this is a fair bit more common of a view.

My bullies were not "keeping me focused on computers" when they dragged me, kicking and screaming, into a stall in a restroom against my will, with the stated intent to further assault me further, including dunking my head & face into a shit-clogged toilet.

I could do without having lived through the verbal abuse, the physical assault, the panic attacks decades later, and the mental disorders that I now am trying to conquer through therapy.