CERN Animal Shelter for Computer Mice (2011)

I love that CERN has such a strong bond with their animals. They are even monitoring the quantum entanglements of their sheep: https://home.cern/news/news/cern/cern-scientists-find-eviden...

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43545349 ("CERN scientists find evidence of quantum entanglement in sheep (home.cern)"; April 1, 2025)

And yet, not everything is so pretty at CERN.

Just consider their Large Hamster Collider! It’s a travesty, and last I head, they were colliding billions of hamster per second. You also got to ask what they do with the resulting elephants and whatnot coming out of those relativistic collisions.

Oh that's an easy one, they go to the Geneva Zoo and from there they get trafficked all over the world. It's essentially whitewashing of hamsters on an elephantine scale. We got one of those here as well, it looks like the real deal from a distance but up close the illusion falls apart. The thing that will get you is all the little eyes staring at you and the incessant mewing sounds.

Hamsters can be kind of assholes though. At least my sister's hamster was one.

I remember when Outpost.com's initial gerbil collision tests led to public outcry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZIwetqq3H8

I hope they're humanely harvesting their eyeballs for boba before putting them in the collider. Such a waste otherwise.

https://img.ifunny.co/images/c736301a01cc03ff1f03dac1c8b87f7...

I'll do you one better: https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/2013-10-25

I always suspected platypuses are the evolutionary equivalent of fake news. And now we know!