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Maybe you’re not trying

(usefulfictions.substack.com)
448 points eatitraw | 3 comments | 16 Nov 25 10:14 UTC | HN request time: 0.739s | source
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yousif_123123 ◴[16 Nov 25 14:02 UTC] No.45945216[source]▶
I've always noticed that when I'm giving advice to someone or trying to help out, it always feels their problem is easier than whatever problem I have. As someone with some anxiety around things like calling some company to get something done or asking a random stranger for some help in a store, I would gladly do it if it was to help someone else (family member or friend). But when it's for me I find it harder.

I wonder how much psychologically we can be more confident and less anxious when we're doing something for others vs ourselves..

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y-curious ◴[16 Nov 25 14:36 UTC] No.45945439[source]▶
People in the ADHD community are outspoken about a tangential concept: cleaning. Cleaning your friends place is a fun, novel, non-emotional activity. Cleaning your own space is a mental slog, boring and often painful due to having to rid yourself of mementos.

In that case, my theory is that you get to shed your learned helplessness about how things look. I suspect it’s similar with giving advice.

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sandyarmstrong ◴[16 Nov 25 15:09 UTC] No.45945647[source]▶
A line I always remember (from Babylon 5) is: "When I clean my place, all I've done is clean my place. But when I help you clean your place, I'm _helping you_."

tl;dr you should ask your badass partner for strategic help when the entire galaxy is under threat, even if she seems busy.

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1. mwcz ◴[16 Nov 25 17:00 UTC] No.45946534[source]▶
Nice, what was the context of that line in B5? I don't remember it.
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2. Rotundo ◴[16 Nov 25 19:02 UTC] No.45947472[source]▶
S03E20 "And the Rock Cried Out, No Hiding Place"

Reverend Will Dexter: "You know before I got married Emily he used to come by sometime to help me clean out my apartment well I asked her how come here so he could help clean up my place when your place is just as bad she said because cleaning up your place helps me to forget what a mess I made a mind and when I sweep my floor all I've done is sweep my floor but when I help you clean up your place I am helping you."

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3. mwcz ◴[16 Nov 25 19:39 UTC] No.45947772[source]▶
Thank you, great episode!