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Maybe you’re not trying

(usefulfictions.substack.com)
448 points eatitraw | 6 comments | 16 Nov 25 10:14 UTC | HN request time: 1.09s | source | bottom
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lisper ◴[16 Nov 25 12:16 UTC] No.45944544[source]▶
I think the "maybe you're not actually trying" framing is not very constructive. The author did try, making decisions and taking actions that seemed appropriate for her situation at the time. The problem was that because her attempts to solve the problem failed -- again and again and again -- she stopped trying. Which is a not-entirely-unreasonable thing to do.

I would frame it more like: just because you have tried and failed doesn't mean you can't succeed, even if you have failed again and again and again. Circumstances change. New solutions become available. New resources or new insights present themselves. Sometimes just doing nothing and letting time pass actually produces progress. But the only thing that guarantees failure is to give up altogether.

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1. brabel ◴[16 Nov 25 14:34 UTC] No.45945422[source]▶
The other side of that is that sometimes you just can't win, no matter what. You may end up wasting your life trying and trying anyway. Recognizing when to stop trying is just as important, I think.
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2. lisper ◴[16 Nov 25 14:39 UTC] No.45945456[source]▶
That is an excellent point. Recognizing and accepting things you can't control is a critical life skill. But either way, "Maybe you're not trying" is not a helpful framing.
3. BeFlatXIII ◴[16 Nov 25 15:10 UTC] No.45945652[source]▶
> You may end up wasting your life trying and trying anyway.

It's like the fly who keeps buzzing at the window pane instead of giving up to fall six inches to the open windowsill.

4. kayodelycaon ◴[16 Nov 25 15:18 UTC] No.45945717[source]▶
My life got infinitely easier when I realized the normal way of doing things will never work for me. Even with medication, my brain is too broken to have discipline. I can’t form new habits by repeatedly doing something. Flat out doesn’t work.

What has worked for me is getting ahead of my brain and setting myself up for success before it gets there.

I’ve also completely given up on the idea of thinking before speaking. My solution for this is anticipating mistakes before I get into a conversation and not making the same mistake twice.

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5. lisper ◴[16 Nov 25 15:30 UTC] No.45945812[source]▶
> anticipating mistakes before I get into a conversation

How is that not thinking before speaking?

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6. kayodelycaon ◴[17 Nov 25 01:10 UTC] No.45950017{3}[source]▶
I’ve should’ve been a little more clear. This anticipation can be years before an actual conversation.

It’s mental training done days or weeks before an event, not hours.

During conversations my short-term memory is frequently overloaded to the point I miss words people are saying. There is no room to actively remember what not to say.