Exquisite write-up and OP's simple writing has a motivating ring to it, and I'm now on the local used marketplace looking for pieces of tech like this :-)
Maybe you won't find an issue as simple as fixing a button, though.
Making a physical button work requires bloatware in your understanding?
> I'm happy not to have the pavlovian training that may some day cause me to click one of these things on someone's windows machine.
Do you know what you're trying to say here? I do not.
Some of the issue here is the keys themselves have almost no standardization, even across models. Hell, possibly in the same model sometimes. Some backend windows driver captures these signals via a 50 mile long series of if statements that make grown men weep when viewed. This later can mean your totally working fix for the kernel doesn't actually work on a 1/3rd of that fleet of laptops.
The linked article is discussing play/pause buttons as well as a "mode-switch" button that allows the play/pause button to have a second function. I do not understand how any of these regular functions become bloatware in your estimation.
> Some of the issue here is the keys themselves have almost no standardization, even across models.
There is actually widespread standardization, which is why many important keys work by default. Laptops sometimes have buttons to disable the internal wifi or adjust the keyboard brightness. These keys are less universal, but still hard to categorize as bloatware.
> ome backend windows driver captures these signals via a 50 mile long series of if statements that make grown men weep when viewed.
I don't know any grown men who would weep when viewing this. I'm confused that you do not like a simple solution (if statements, which a computer has zero problems following precisely even if it is complex to you) nor the complex solution ("bloatware")
> This later can mean your totally working fix for the kernel doesn't actually work on a 1/3rd of that fleet of laptops.
Most devices used in fleets are well-supported in linux after a few years, specifically because of users like the linked article who spend time making buttons worked when pressed.
On windows many of these laptop buttons were added like the Yahoo browser bar to specifically work with bloatware that might go on to make a meaningful action for non malicious software as well as what it is really for.
I prefer not to be in the habit of pressing footguns given that I might occasionally be placed in front of a consumers windows laptop that no one cleaned.
If you're this anxious about security, you might not want to be anywhere near a Windows machine.
I think if they're honestly not being hyperbolic, they should find a less technical career or hobby. If you're afraid of flying, don't join the Air Force.
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I looked it up, the Human Interface Devices usage "Consumer Control" code assigned to "Application Launch - Calculator" is 0x0C0192 or 0x192
This keypress is sent as a scancode/keycode, not an ASCII character. On Windows, this opens calc.exe by default, but you can change which app opens in response to the calculator key by editing the media key mappings in the Registry