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    279 points geox | 11 comments | | HN request time: 0s | source | bottom
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    trentnix ◴[] No.45211888[source]
    Texas banned phones in schools as well. A local school administrator told me “in the high school, the lunch room is now loud with talking and laughter!”

    There are still parents that complain. Turns out they are as addicted to texting with their kids all day as their kids are addicted to the same.

    Regardless, it’s great to see that the ban has seemingly nudged things in a healthier direction. Its a failure of leadership that schools needed a statewide ban to make such an obviously positive change.

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    RyanOD ◴[] No.45214354[source]
    Yes, parents are definitely part of the problem here. I am a former teacher and my wife is an active teacher so we've seen this first hand.

    Though not entirely to blame, parenting is certainly a part of the cell phone addiction problem. Setting time limits and holding kids accountable for breaking rules around phone use would go a long way toward guiding kids toward more healthy behaviors and letting them know someone cares about their well-being.

    Modeling constrained phone use is another aspect. Parents will struggle to get their kids off their phones if they are spending all their own free time scrolling, scrolling, scrolling.

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    lrvick ◴[] No.45216332[source]
    100% which is why I refused to even try to be a parent until I gave up my smartphone. Parents unable to be present with their kids, should not be parents.
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    1. 0_____0 ◴[] No.45216483[source]
    I'm expecting a newborn soon and thinking the same. What did you change?
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    2. hvs ◴[] No.45216551[source]
    Get in the habit of putting your phone down when you are in the room with your child. Don't have it on the dinner table, or anywhere you would socialize with your children. It's really best to just avoid using it as much as possible around your kids. Obviously, if you have to make appointments and stuff, that's different, but scrolling social media, reading news, etc. should be left for the evenings after kids are in bed. Kids don't really care what you say as much as they are always watching what you do.
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    3. ryandrake ◴[] No.45216667[source]
    The overall lesson for your kids should be that a phone is a tool you use to accomplish some task that takes a limited time. You turn on the phone, do the task (whether it be making a phone call, looking up an address, whatever) and then you turn it off. A phone is not a consumption/entertainment device that you sit down and just use, without a clear end state. You, as the parent, need to internalize this, and live that attitude yourself, and chances are the kid will follow your good example.

    Problem is, many parents are also addicted to their phones, and won't be able to have the discipline to use them this way.

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    4. Tade0 ◴[] No.45217121[source]
    Phones are just a means to avoid processing one's emotions. Don't neglect that part of your life and you won't be tempted to scroll, or at the very least you'll be resistant to it. No other way out of this, especially because you're in for a very emotional time in the near future.

    But don't fret: becoming a parent forces you to find strength you didn't know you had. Sounds cliche but there's really no other way to describe it.

    Before kids I was glued to my phone. Now when we go to the playground I just stare at the sky like a chimpanzee released after years of indoor captivity.

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    5. jdshaffer ◴[] No.45217413[source]
    I have three kids, now just turning adult. My wife and I took the point of view that we are modeling a healthy lifestyle for our children. So, we only used technology as tools -- looking up stuff, scheduling, reading PDFs, etc.... AND we made sure they could see what we were doing -- no "hidden" screens or hidden computer time.

    After doing this for the last 15+ years, I think it's turned out well. The oldest two seem to have a healthy relationship with their devices (as tools) and are just as happy to put them down and go outside or spend time with other people. The youngest is similar, but still needs to use tech a lot for his studies (by curriculum design). However, he'd also prefer to go outside or watch a movie than be on a device.

    6. RyanOD ◴[] No.45217995[source]
    Congratulations! Who knows what the world will look like when your kids are in middle school / high school, but I would recommend strongly resisting social media / phones before they are in high school.

    This can be tricky if all their friends / school communicates through such mediums as your kids may feel isolated. And yes, many schools promote the use of apps / social media as a shared means of communication for clubs, sports, etc. - which is maddening.

    And, as parents, model reading physical books, not your phone.

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    7. internet_points ◴[] No.45219861{3}[source]
    Another problem is that this tool is constantly trying to distract you. As jwz nearly said,

    Every app attempts to expand until it is social media. Those programs which cannot so expand are replaced by ones which can.

    See:

    https://techcrunch.com/2024/07/10/spotify-is-no-longer-just-...

    https://www.wikihow.com/Hide-Channels-on-WhatsApp (tl;dr there is no way)

    https://www.thepearlpost.com/1342/tech/pinterest-is-now-a-so...

    https://gearandgrit.com/stravas-evolution-the-journey-from-a...

    8. quadragenarian ◴[] No.45221435[source]
    Separate from the phone and screen time discussion, you are at an important juncture of your life, a transition to parenthood that could change everything. I say "could" because I fundamentally believe that half of people who have children don't have the self-awareness to change and adjust their habits and emotional state.

    One of the monumental realizations for me when I became a parent (not necessarily the first day but over the first 5-7 years) was distinctly what my parents did right and wrong. My dad told me on the phone one day that I shouldn't show my child my feelings, that I should hide any negative feelings and only show positive feelings. And now I see that this is what my father did to me and it constrained my ability to share negative feelings with my friends and family, instead leading to me bottling up negative feelings like anger and sadness.I realize that this is not the correct way to parent, your child should see the full range of human emotions from their parents and although you want to be careful to not put too much emotional burden and stress on them to create an anxious child, you want to also be sure they see you at your best and worst. They should see you discuss your feelings with others and with them and when you lose your temper, as we all do, you should also afterwards rationalize what you were feeling with them, apologize if necessary (and it's usually always necessary because there is no need for any human to lose their temper with another human that's been on the Earth for only a few years).

    Any way, I think of parenthood as a journey of self-reflection and improvement, much like childhood. Just like some people have a negative painful childhood, parenthood can be similar. The goal for you is to be open and honest with yourself and your growing family, and to be constantly looking for ways to improve.

    Apologies if this sounded like a lecture but wish you the best in what may turn out to be the most important job of your life.

    9. disgruntledphd2 ◴[] No.45221611[source]
    > And, as parents, model reading physical books, not your phone.

    Speaking as a Dad of two (5 and 2), this is really hard, not because I don't read (I read a lot), but because every time I bring a physical book out the kids start grabbing it, so it's much easier to use my Kindle.

    Additionally, I'd probably end up getting divorced if we needed to find space for all the books I read in the house (I've acquired about 1100 books on Kindle over the past ~decade).

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    10. reaperducer ◴[] No.45223229[source]
    Phones are just a means to avoid processing one's emotions.

    I see them more as pacifiers for adults.

    Whenever I see some adult doomscrolling in public, I hear Maggie Simpson's little suck suck suck sound in my head.

    11. 0_____0 ◴[] No.45226444{3}[source]
    An e reader seems obviously a different type of device than your phone. Spiritually closer to a book than other types of screen.