Take something you don’t like and try to like it

As someone with ADHD, for me obsessing over something to the point of needing to be reminded to eat and drink is actually extremely healthy.

It took me a long time to accept that following my special interests is what my brain craves and what gives me a sense of fulfillment. It might be unhealthy for a neurotypical person but very healthy for me.

In fact when I am losing the spark and just can't get into anything that is when I know I am burning out and need to make changes.

While I enjoy (and crave) the waves (of time) that make my brain obsess over things which bring me immense joy to the point I neglect essentials (food and water), what follows is a hard learned crash where I have no energy (or dopamine) left to give to anything!

Similar for my approach (although I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD). This is how I learned electronics enough to manage becoming a certified electrical engineer without ever officially studying anything even remotely like it. I was in the exam with people who did this professionally for half of their lives. This is also how I learned anything I ever did as a freelancer, including sound mixing for movies, VFX work, color grading, programming: I was curious about it, I was young, had time and just followed my interest. It is still how I learn new things, only now all the knowledge from other domains helps me doing it even faster.

The trick is to play judo instead of karate with your own drive. Instead of trying to stop your urge and force yourself to do the boring stuff, it can work to take your energy and just slightly redirect it to where you want to go and where it makes sense for you to go. Maybe you have the urge to play a video game and can redirect it to reading a book like homo ludens instead, or maybe you redirect it towards making a game? Even if you never finished it you learned something.

Strange question: Could you obsess mainly over time management / optimisation and fix all of this?

Kind off.

First of all, time management techniques for neurotypical people do NOT work for people with ADHD.

This is why an diagnosis is so important. If you don't know that you have ADHD you will constantly try stuff that won't work for you, you will set up yourself for failure and do more harm that good and it will destroy your self esteem.

Neurotypical people tend to be importance motivated while ADHD people are interest motivated. So the approach needs to be very different. Furthermore time is very different for ADHD people. Most neurotypical people can not cram in the work of 8 hours in 2 hours, I can. But I also can't hyper focus all the time and have times where I am not getting anything done.

With ADHD it is more about managing your level of stimulation. You start the day in a dopamine deficit and need to start with small tasks that gives you quick wins. You can't tackle the important but absolutely boring work head on, you need to do some stimulating activities first to get the ball rolling.

Many ADHD people including myself develop a special interest in ADHD and organizational techniques to manage it so yeah it happens. But you can't fully control what you happen to be interested in.

Though the whole self optimizing thing is also dangerous. Some people can learn to mask their ADHD very well and be super organized but it comes at a cost. It takes tremendous energy and leads to ADHD burnout in the long term. That is often the trigger for adults to get diagnosed in the first place because they just can't keep up the masking anymore.

> You start the day in a dopamine deficit and need to start with small tasks that gives you quick wins. You can't tackle the important but absolutely boring work head on, you need to do some stimulating activities first to get the ball rolling.

Sounds like just about every human being.

The difference is that neurotypical people often have a super power that is called not having a executive dysfunction. If they want to do the task, think the task is important and are able to do the task, they can just do the task.

It is hard for me to even imagine that such a thing can exist but it absolutely is the case.

The difference is how strict the "need" it. Like neurotypical people also benefit from working on something they are interested at but for ADHD people it is not optional but necessary to function.

Also neurotypical people get much more dopamine out of even simple tasks while I can have the best conversation ever with someone and still need some fidget toys to not go crazy from sitting around.

Are you on an AD(H)D medications?

Personally no because I am currently too disorganized to find a doctor that would prescribe it to me, despite being diagnosed already. I live in a country that is very backwards when it comes to mental health and where the system is designed so it is very hard to get help in hope most people don't so healthcare costs can be kept down.

Generally, medication is the most effective treatment for ADHD by far but also does only work for like 80 percent of ADHD people. Some need to cope without it either way.

Exactly. Before I was diagnosed with ADHD, I was experiencing severe executive function. Just nearly no ability whatsoever to do things I wanted to do, even if they were fun. But had big impacts in terms of friendships (not actively trying to socialize very much, because planning basic get together felt insurmountable) and home life (simple chores were almost impossible to get done). And it doesn’t feel like laziness (which I think is more like you just don’t want to do the annoying thing right now), but like I really wanted and needed to do it, and just couldn’t make it happen.

ADHD meds have been almost a literal lifesaver, and the amount they make work halfway tolerable is… crucial.