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291 points Michelangelo11 | 8 comments | | HN request time: 1.051s | source | bottom
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naming_the_user ◴[] No.42056718[source]
What comes across from the article to me is the class barrier more than the gender one - basically it's a posh person finding out what the "real world" looks like.

Shop talk and banter are fairly universal. Any difference is going to be a target. Thin bloke who doesn't look strong enough? Ginger hair? Tall guy, short guy? Weird tattoo, etc. Definitely the one black guy or the one white guy is going to get shit. But is it malicious? Almost certainly not.

The other thing, which in my experience is relatively common worldwide, is that working class communities are more accepting of male-female dynamics. In academia and in highbrow society the tendency is to basically sanitise every social interaction. When you're in an environment where that isn't happening then you can't suddenly ignore it any more.

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esperent ◴[] No.42057157[source]
> But is it malicious? Almost certainly not.

Honestly, it often will be malicious, or will quickly become malicious if you don't take it graciously. And why should you? It's not acceptable to make fun of people for being skinny, ginger, shy, black, white, female, or any other things that the in group considers non-standard for whatever weird reasons.

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1. cies ◴[] No.42064922[source]
> It's not acceptable to make fun of people

Is that not down to the culture? I found some of the warmest workplaces were also the places were everyone was constantly shitting on each other and not taking it too serious. I'd not say it was bullying, as everyone got a piece. There was a certain toughness to it, but at the same time everyone was caring deeply for one another.

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2. RHSeeger ◴[] No.42065258[source]
If the target of your joke isn't laughing (if they're upset by it), then it's not a joke, it's bullying. If they _are_ laughing/enjoying it, then it's playful banter. You're right, it very much varies by culture (culture here being as specific as "the specific group of people")
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3. cies ◴[] No.42065579[source]
In a culture where banter is accepted, sometimes someone will be upset by something.

I think the current tendency to prevent all possibility to upsetting behaviour is overshooting the mark.

Against bullying is a good movement.

Against all possibly upsetting remarks is basically being against banter and killing a part of what makes us human. I hope that free speech remains allowed and to some extend "uncancelable".

4. boogieknite ◴[] No.42066594[source]
Spent a lot of time in hunting and fishing parties with near constant teasing and in those situations its usually the rudest and most egotistical jerk who doesnt laugh and enjoy. They cross the line repeatedly, everyone takes it in good nature while internally counting the incidents, then eventually someone takes them down a peg and they act like a child.
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5. cies ◴[] No.42072349{3}[source]
So you're saying constant teasing is a fun way to weed out the jerks. Sounds about what I experience it to be. Never thought of it like that though: thanks!

Would you say this is more typical in groups of men, or among the men within a group? (I'm thinking about social situations myself now as well)

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6. throwaway2037 ◴[] No.42075125{3}[source]

    > Spent a lot of time in hunting and fishing parties with near constant teasing
God, why did you keep going? I would have dropped out after the first trip. The "constant teasing" would drive me crazy. And, to be especially personal and negative, I am sure that I would be a prime target. I never stick around for that.
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7. boogieknite ◴[] No.42078420{4}[source]
hunting and fishing is almost entirely failure after failure with small opportunities and even smaller wins. these guys are all lifers and dont take things too seriously.

it would be mean to target people who weren't "in on it". when someone new enters the group everyone is nice and eases them into the banter. this is what i mean when i reference an internal "jerk instance counter" when a new guy isnt nice.

teasing becomes a shared language for effective communication. "the hill where Jake crapped his pants" is a very specific location that carries an emotional hook which helps memory. cut plug is a real type of bait, but in our circle refers to a person who overdid his bait every time and well use it as short hand to tell someone not to bother gold plating.

there are lines and we all learn them as long as we start with humble intentions to help each other

8. boogieknite ◴[] No.42078687{4}[source]
had some women join in who fit in, usually they had a background in highly competitive environments.

now that you mention it, id say when a woman does fit in, were all so struck by it that we let her steer most of the conversation. if i had to guess, its more typical in a culture where cooperative competition is accepted.

i managed a d1 women basketball team for a season and think their dynamic was similar. teasing was shorthand because it effectively communicated difficult-to-describe concepts using an emotional memory of "that one thing so-and-so did that one time" via a nickname or reference to an action.