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FAQ on Leaving Google

(social.clawhammer.net)
462 points mrled | 15 comments | | HN request time: 0.69s | source | bottom
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danparsonson ◴[] No.39034789[source]
> Context: When I was laid off from Google, I knew I'd be deluged with questions. I wrote this FAQ to share with friends and family, to prevent repeated explanation.

This is quite sweet in its stereotypical techie approach to life - your friends and family are asking questions about your situation because they care about and want to bond with you, not because they particularly care about the actual information you're conveying :-)

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1. tysam_and ◴[] No.39035174[source]
Well they can find alternative methods then that are less frazzling, there are fewer things worse than not feeling seen due to only answering questions!

I know it can be good, but sometimes the questions can legitimately get in the way of connection and spending quality time, and not everyone wants to have the hard conversation while being in the hotseat (especially not over, and over, and over again. I am transgender, for example, and while having 1 mildly hostile family member would be a somewhat-problem, most of my extended family only wants to talk about that thing, and that one thing, with me, to the point where it effectively creates a wall. That at least is my experience of the issue, it's not quite the same, but I've definitely experienced the "questions dynamic" within other, much-more-mild scenarios, and generally, IMPE, I really dislike it unless I'm actively getting something interesting out of it, which I'm oftentimes not! It can be very much isolating, as far as my personal experience goes.)

So, not really a terrible solution, I think! <3 :'))))

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2. dylan604 ◴[] No.39035692[source]
Then learn how to respond to questions that are being asked out of politeness and bonding vs some fellow techie that actually is interested in gobbledygook detailed answers. You can talk about work and why it was cool/fun/horrible/frustrating to non-techies and still bond with them in your commiseration of being laid off.
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3. tysam_and ◴[] No.39036169[source]
I mean, again, that's not really the point that I was making. I'm talking about the foundational emotional need of connection, not everyone connects well in that manner, the quality of the response to the question doesn't always have a huge bearing on that.

Like, sure, sometimes it is good bonding, and sometimes it's not, it's very much context dependent.

If having the emotional security of not being in the hotseat answering questions from family members is necessary for an amount of emotional security on the OP's part, then I would consider that to be a good strategy. It might not be what you would do in that scenario, which is okay, as you and OP are different and might have different methods of addressing and meeting your respective emotional needs.

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4. tharkun__ ◴[] No.39036393[source]
This is so typical of normies.

Why does the techie have to go out of his way and adjust to the non techie normie?

Why don't they drink their own cool aid and adjust to the techie?

We don't like all these personal questions. Just leave us alone instead of asking the same thing over and over. If we point you to an FAQ, be like "oh yeah awesome, thank you" instead keeping on asking if we are alright. Just shut up and read the FAQ.

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5. dgfitz ◴[] No.39036454{3}[source]
What the actual fuck is a normie?
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6. dylan604 ◴[] No.39036465{3}[source]
yes, why doesn't the rest of the world conform to me? that old trope? we're all individuals. in every relationship, there are gives/takes. sometimes you have to do normie things. i have relationships with true addicts that play this normie won't understand card waaaay too often for me to be swayed by it. sometimes, the mountain won't come to Muhammad.
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7. dylan604 ◴[] No.39036480{4}[source]
typically, someone that's not an addict. someone that can cope in life without the assistance of a drug/alcohol. i guess we're stretching that definition to someone with social anxieties?
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8. tharkun__ ◴[] No.39036630{4}[source]
See that's the thing. Yes we all are individuals. This individual in the original post is one.

Who are these commenter's that demand for him not to post an FAQ? Why can't he just post an FAQ and they are like "oh yeah thank you very much!" and everyone is happy? Why does he have to feel bad for his FAQ and instead answer the same uncomfortable questions over and over even though he's fine but nobody believes him?

Why do these normies demand that the world adjusts to them?

9. tharkun__ ◴[] No.39036651{4}[source]

    WHAT IS A NORMIE?

    Normie is a slang for a “normal person,” especially someone seen to have conventional, mainstream tastes, interests, viewpoints, etc. It is intended as an insult but often used ironically.
    Normie is also sometimes used by specific in-groups to refer and distinguish themselves from specific out-groups.
In case it wasn't clear from me using normie vs techie in the actual comment. I'm talking about a guy like the one that posted the FAQ (techie) that is different from most "socially normal" people (normie) that would actually appreciate all these questions over and over and take comfort in them. Well he doesn't apparently. Deal with it.
10. temporarara ◴[] No.39036728{3}[source]
I'm always happy to give the standard "I don't like to discuss work stuff when I don't get paid for it, it's not that interesting really" answer. Sometimes followed with "I work now for company X and I write code that deals with Y" to not be seen as insufferable asshole.
11. temporarara ◴[] No.39036797{5}[source]
Normies live for drugs and alcohol and social interactions while the non-normies live for train simulators, coexistence is an eternal struggle.
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12. logicprog ◴[] No.39037068[source]
Oh hey I'm trans too and I was literally just about to pop in to respond in a nearly identical way! Yeah, having to answer the same set of questions, that aren't particularly interesting or bond-generating to you, over and over, just creates a really annoying barrier to interact with people. It's apparently a really common experience in a lot of marginalized communities. So it really can sometimes just be easier to have something to get the rote questions out og the way so you can get to more meaningful personal interaction.
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13. logicprog ◴[] No.39037106{3}[source]
Yeah not having to be in the hot seat is crucial. Stuff like FAQs for personal things are helpful not just because they deduplicate effort, so people can just read it and grok your deal and then bond with you without excruciating rote ramp up, but also because it's emotionally exhausting to have to go through explanations about personal things, especially often, whereas pointing people to an FAQ alleviates that and actually makes further bonding possible bc you won't be harried and tired.
14. tysam_and ◴[] No.39038904[source]
Yes! Playing through the rote action exchange can be rather exhausting, especially if I've already bridged that connection and know the person -- there's not much reason for it, and it can be exhausting!

Unfortunately, with where my past is, a whole lot of my family too has the idea that I'm living a distorted life, and that this needs to be corrected (almost as a first priority thing). There's almost an Animal-Farm-istic "All sins are equal, but some sins are more equal than others" kind of thing going on there, if you catch what I mean.

Intellectually, I think many of them can understand how this is not really the most rational thing given the on-paper beliefs, but emotionally, it's a very different story, and the emotions seem to win out on that front.

Answering the basics isn't too terrible for me, though it definitely can be a problem if it's the only focus (and if the conversation inevitably keeps looping around to that singular topic. I am a freaking human being, darnmnitall!!)

15. dylan604 ◴[] No.39038929{6}[source]
No, addicts live for drugs and alcohol. Normies do not live their lives with the sole purpose of their next fix.