It is such a pain to write Win32 code that you didn't have time to add all the features that would slow down program launch.
I know you probably meant it in jest but as someone who wrote a bunch of desktop apps at one time, it was actually easier to develop desktop apps in tools like Delphi in the 1990s than it is to develop apps now.
For me, VB6 was the pinnacle of Windows desktop app development. When I first starting building web sites/apps it was such a huge step backwards.
It was/is a huge step backwards in terms of DX, but an infinite step forward for distribution. Distribution is the ONLY problem, which is why the shift happened.