None of this is real. Don’t fuck with your brain, pal, it ain’t worth it.
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How can one stand decades of stagnation without the desire to escape?
Agree... I'm nearly unable to fantasize properly (dream or daydream what I want), and it's difficult to describe how it makes me feel, but I would probably use something like "fantasy withdrawal".
I've gotten pretty upset in the past over it and keep wishing I could find some drug to help me experience the things that I can't normally. LSD was the first thing I tried, ketamine will probably be next.
Curse my stupid brain for being stuck in reality. Makes one wonder what the purpose of dreams really is. It could be to try to prevent something like this from arising, but mine don't properly address that need.
It's not aphantasia, not even close. My coping mechanism for most of my life has been roleplay and story writing, which I have no trouble imagining (in fact I can seemingly do it better than most people). It's just that I can't properly dream it, can't experience it using the slots reserved for the normal senses.
I've never gotten a straight answer to whether this is normal or not, but I have heard that similar things can be caused by being autistic (which I am). Some autistics are known to be very literal and aware of reality and only reality. I just don't want to be that because it's painful.
I haven't tried it though, that sounds interesting. I would probably want to use headphones for it though, as otherwise, the volume required to actually bother me would probably fill the entire apartment complex ;D