Bye, Mom

Halfway through I realized where this is going. Could not hold the tears. These are tough choices. My parents are alive, getting older. My dad has fairly serious mental health issues. Life has never been easy in a very dysfunctional family. I stayed away from family for many years. Now, I am 41 and these last few years, I have started to realize that I may not have much time with them.

We are busy people but no matter how we try, we cannot bring people back. We cannot make some things different. I think about that a lot. Even coming from a family of abuse and trauma that needed a decade of counseling and healing, I still feel sad they may not be there much longer.

Thank you for a reminder. Thank you for sharing your personal story.

Same age and while coming not from abuse but from difficult extreme-christian education I am torn between letting my parents have too much say in my life today. However as you say: I realise that my time with them is going to end and I don’t want them gone.

Wondering how you found a way to spend time with them and if you openly speaking about the limited time left and the past with them?

I’m about the same age as you. I was raised in a strict christian home. For a long time, I thought that was normal. It wasn’t. I didn’t see it clearly until my late thirties, sitting in therapy for depression. That’s when I learned it was abuse.

The best thing my therapist told me was to cut off contact. I did. And I’ve never been happier. I’ve got my own family now. We live with love, not fear. We tell the truth. We don’t play mind games.

If my parents ever want to make peace, they’ll have to admit they were dishonest and tried to control me. But they won’t. They still say they did what they thought was best.

For me, I just look forward to the day I stop thinking about them, or the day I hear they’ve passed.