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112 points Suggger | 2 comments | | HN request time: 0.455s | source
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FloorEgg ◴[] No.46239723[source]
Something that occured to me years ago is we have a quirk in English language that gets in the way of accurately emapthizing with each other, especially when trying to design things well (like products and experiences). We don't say "unwant", and we don't clearly differentiate between a lack of want and a repulsion or unwant or negative want.

Someone might say "I don't want x" or "I don't need x" and it's unclear if:

- they see no value in x

- they see small enough value in x that they don't care

- they see negative value

So much time and energy is wasted on misunderstandings that stem from this ambiguity.

It ruins products, is loses deals, it screws up projections, it confuses executives, etc.

It gets in the way of accurately empathizing with and understanding each other.

Because "I unwant x" means something extremely different than "I don't want x". Unwant implies some other value that x is getting in the way of. Understanding other peoples' values is what enables accurate empathy for them. Accurately empathizing with customers is what enables great products and predictable sales.

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gsf_emergency_6 ◴[] No.46239824[source]
"unalive" is an empathetic mood.

Unwant could be too familiar, conjuring "unwanted".

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1. FloorEgg ◴[] No.46240125[source]
> "unalive" is an empathetic mood.

Sure, I guess that's something people say. Though it's very new English.

In case I wasn't clear. By empathy I mean the ability to accurately predict how someone else will feel about something. For me to do this, I have to set aside my own values and beliefs, to know the other person's values and beliefs, and then use theirs to simulate how they may feel about something.

The point is I can't empathize with another person accurately unless I know their values and beliefs.

So to be empathetic is to be curious about other people's values and then accurately predict how they will feel about something.

So to me '"unalive" is an empathetic mood.' sounds something like "I am in an unalive mood (feeling apathetic and defeated), and people who can relate to my values beliefs and experiences will emapthize with me"

> Unwant could be too familiar, conjuring "unwanted".

This is a really interesting point on multiple levels. I've been so hung up on the ambiguity in the language I never even noticed the connection to "unwanted".

Given you brought this up and I assume immediately saw the parallel, when you think of "unwanted" do you think of an absence of being wanted (apathy, ignored, indefference), or a feeling of being repulsed (negative want, hate, disgust, fear, loathing, etc)?

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2. gsf_emergency_6 ◴[] No.46240729[source]
For me, I am inclined to go for "absence of being wanted" (repelling others through a personal fault I might not be wholly responsible for)

Using my intuition here :)