Autism's confusing cousins

I have done a rigorous job of self diagnosis. I am autistic. I’ve also had the privilege of being able to pursue meditation, therapy, and other self development practices: I’m not as severely autistic as I was as a young man. I also have childhood trauma that I know contributes to many of my autistic presentations — see the last section on comorbidity. I also have some distinct ADHD symptoms but have never pursued that path because my hyperfocus tends to win out often enough that it’s not a hindrance to productivity. But it still causes problems elsewhere in my life.

For some people these diagnoses will be a very good fit with clear predictive outcomes. But many of us have a grab-bag of traits from several categories and still mostly get along in life, maybe with some assistance particular to one of these diagnosis but no more help overall than anyone else needs otherwise.

The diagnostic models suck. They are too broad here, too narrow there, misunderstood by professionals. I had a psychiatrist (mis)diagnose me as bipolar based on a 45 minute appointment when I was in some sort of crisis in my early 30s and that ended up haunting me years later when applying for a job with a security clearance. I didn’t even know about it at the time. This was one of the top rated doctors in a major metro area. What a sham.

The field is a mess. It has a terrible history of horrific abuse. Some autistic children still receive involuntary-to-them ECT. I think we should be supportive of research into these topics while also being critical of the very obvious problems with them.

I strongly believe I was misdiagnosed with autism when in reality the traits were caused by traumatic backlash from those I was supposed to trust towards ADHD traits that would have calmed down after adolescence. The diagnosis was largely a red herring for me and led me down treatment paths that did not address the root of my issues, and I believe I suffered unnecessarily as a result. It is insane to me that people are sooner to blame vaccines and diet than childhood upbringing/environment for causing symptoms construed as autism or ADHD. It makes sense though - no parent wants to be blamed for their child's lifelong disorder, just as mine still don't to this day. Cancer might just be curable, but a parent who refuses to change their mind will never be.

I am doing better these days but I sometimes wonder how I would have turned out if I got help sooner, instead of spending years and years searching for the wrong kind of help. It doesn't help that society is talking more about this and inadvertently leading people to believe that these problems are just the way things are, without considering upbringing and environmental factors.

At the same time, blaming the wrong problem is different then spending all one's time blaming the right problem, which is different than letting go of the past and doing the best one can with one's life. It is nearly insurmountable for me but I try to put forth an effort each day.