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Maybe you’re not trying

(usefulfictions.substack.com)
448 points eatitraw | 2 comments | 16 Nov 25 10:14 UTC | HN request time: 0s | source
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yousif_123123 ◴[16 Nov 25 14:02 UTC] No.45945216[source]▶
I've always noticed that when I'm giving advice to someone or trying to help out, it always feels their problem is easier than whatever problem I have. As someone with some anxiety around things like calling some company to get something done or asking a random stranger for some help in a store, I would gladly do it if it was to help someone else (family member or friend). But when it's for me I find it harder.

I wonder how much psychologically we can be more confident and less anxious when we're doing something for others vs ourselves..

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ekjhgkejhgk ◴[16 Nov 25 15:04 UTC] No.45945618[source]▶
I'm exactly the same, down to the specific examples you chose.

So, what is to be done?

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1. yousif_123123 ◴[16 Nov 25 16:22 UTC] No.45946228[source]▶
I was hoping someone points it out for us.

Since you asked me, you are using the same concept and now I need to help you solve your problem (which seem to be the one I also have..)

I think the solution must be we're primarily responsible for ourselves, and that unless we ask others for help all the time we need to figure things out. I also lately have been thinking from the perspective of the person I'm anxious to interact with, and feel that they may actually be happy to interact with me, receive some warm greeting and help out by answering my question or doing my task.

If you could do something for others but feel anxious doing it for yourself, it must be "in our head" and logically we should be able to get over that and choose to be brave. I think in really it's often missed how we can be brave doing the action if it was for someone else, and that the bravery may actually already be inside us.

This at least is how I think of it now.

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2. Gravityloss ◴[17 Nov 25 08:41 UTC] No.45951868[source]▶
One thing is also ability to have clearer start and end and boundaries, or some sort of mental boxing for the case at hand.

If you're visiting someone else, you arrive, and you leave. The helping them clean part has at least some sort of boundaries. Even if you don't finish, you have helped them along.

When you're at home, even if you start, if you leave it halfway, it will be your problem after you stop. And tomorrow still and so on. So it feels more daunting.