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Maybe you’re not trying

(usefulfictions.substack.com)
448 points eatitraw | 5 comments | 16 Nov 25 10:14 UTC | HN request time: 0.21s | source
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yousif_123123 ◴[16 Nov 25 14:02 UTC] No.45945216[source]▶
I've always noticed that when I'm giving advice to someone or trying to help out, it always feels their problem is easier than whatever problem I have. As someone with some anxiety around things like calling some company to get something done or asking a random stranger for some help in a store, I would gladly do it if it was to help someone else (family member or friend). But when it's for me I find it harder.

I wonder how much psychologically we can be more confident and less anxious when we're doing something for others vs ourselves..

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1. CoffeeTails ◴[16 Nov 25 14:32 UTC] No.45945407[source]▶
This is something I've noticed as well. I've talked about this with my psychiatrist and she calls this brave, reassured version of ourself the "me-mentor" (jag-mentor in Swedish). Similar to our inner child, this is a core part of our who we are.

The idea, if I understood correctly, is to build this me-mentor more and let it help us feel more safe. Let it support our insecure parts/personas.

(I hope my English isn't too bad)

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2. lobsterthief ◴[16 Nov 25 14:57 UTC] No.45945570[source]▶
Your English is great, by the way.
3. noman-land ◴[16 Nov 25 15:37 UTC] No.45945856[source]▶
Your English is perfect. I wouldn't have known you are not a native speaker if you hadn't mentioned it.
4. perlgeek ◴[16 Nov 25 17:18 UTC] No.45946689[source]▶
Somewhat related, a psychologist I talked to in the 2000s said she really liked the Patronus concept in the Harry Potter books. You imagine an entity that's fueled by your positive memories and emotions, and that protects you from certain anxieties and other stressors.

Things like that seem to be used in at least some schools of psychology.

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5. CoffeeTails ◴[16 Nov 25 23:01 UTC] No.45949250[source]▶
That does sounds similar, yes! I like that idea.

It reminds me on something my psychologist told me, when trying to find this me-mentor, it can help to take inspiration from someone I find really safe with and trust a lot. Aka someone I have good memories with / of.