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Grief gets an expiration date, just like us

(bessstillman.substack.com)
461 points LaurenSerino | 1 comments | 18 Sep 25 14:17 UTC | HN request time: 0.374s | source
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donatj ◴[18 Sep 25 15:50 UTC] No.45291164[source]▶
One of my best friends died 12 years ago in our late 20s. I know he is dead, and yet a couple times a month I think, "Oh, I haven't talked to him in a while, I should text him!" before my logical brain kicks in and lets me know the deal.

There is a dumb part of me that wants to believe, "Oh, he probably faked his death to get out of debt." He was such a schemer, if anyone would, he would. It was an open casket funeral. I know he is dead.

It's not a disorder. I just have mental pathways built that lead to a person who was integral to my life for many years, a person who does not exist on this plane anymore. I want him back in my life. Death is just difficult.

He was a genuine source of both encouragement and constructive criticism the likes I have had not had before or since. I miss you, Meka.

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1. marcuschong ◴[19 Sep 25 12:06 UTC] No.45300674[source]▶
The fake death thought is very common. My brother drowned at the beach when he was only 17. We all stood there helpless, unable to find him. His body took some time to return to the shore, and a friend of a friend of the family was the one who identified him.

I was very young, only 7, but my cousin, who was 15 at the time, spent years searching for him, convinced the body had been misidentified. Later, when I grew older, I also went through the phase of thinking, "He was too smart and strong for that. Maybe he ran away somehow."