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    Grief gets an expiration date, just like us

    (bessstillman.substack.com)
    461 points LaurenSerino | 11 comments | 18 Sep 25 14:17 UTC | HN request time: 0.001s | source | bottom
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    donatj ◴[18 Sep 25 15:50 UTC] No.45291164[source]▶
    One of my best friends died 12 years ago in our late 20s. I know he is dead, and yet a couple times a month I think, "Oh, I haven't talked to him in a while, I should text him!" before my logical brain kicks in and lets me know the deal.

    There is a dumb part of me that wants to believe, "Oh, he probably faked his death to get out of debt." He was such a schemer, if anyone would, he would. It was an open casket funeral. I know he is dead.

    It's not a disorder. I just have mental pathways built that lead to a person who was integral to my life for many years, a person who does not exist on this plane anymore. I want him back in my life. Death is just difficult.

    He was a genuine source of both encouragement and constructive criticism the likes I have had not had before or since. I miss you, Meka.

    replies(4): >>45291752 #>>45291902 #>>45300674 #>>45301869 #
    drivingmenuts ◴[18 Sep 25 16:36 UTC] No.45291752[source]▶
    My best friend of 25 years died 4 years ago and I still think of him at least once a week, wishing I could talk to him. It was almost a year before I could even talk about him without completely breaking down. I never once thought: "oh, this is a medical issue". It was just me having the same problems processing my grief that American men have because we're not raised to talk stuff out. Once I did start talking about it, it got easier and easier to deal with.

    I still miss that guy, though.

    replies(2): >>45297553 #>>45302061 #
    1. randycupertino ◴[19 Sep 25 03:08 UTC] No.45297553[source]▶
    I still randomly gmail my dear beloved best friend who died of melanoma 18 years ago. It goes into the ether. I hope gmail doesn't reassign his account to someone else for inactivity, they will get my "thinking of you, miss you, this thing happened that you would have found hilarious" emails.
    replies(3): >>45298466 #>>45302570 #>>45303914 #
    2. khazhoux ◴[19 Sep 25 06:15 UTC] No.45298466[source]▶
    FWIW, there's no way gmail recycles inactive email addresses. That would wreck security worldwide.
    replies(4): >>45298647 #>>45298974 #>>45299089 #>>45300532 #
    3. imp0cat ◴[19 Sep 25 06:50 UTC] No.45298647[source]▶
    Sound right, as it would be an easy way to take over other accounts connected to that inbox.
    4. opan ◴[19 Sep 25 07:43 UTC] No.45298974[source]▶
    What happens to those accounts they've been deleting for inactivity lately then?
    replies(1): >>45299165 #
    5. ◴[19 Sep 25 07:58 UTC] No.45299089[source]▶
    6. khazhoux ◴[19 Sep 25 08:08 UTC] No.45299165{3}[source]▶
    They just sit there, dead.
    replies(1): >>45303933 #
    7. Poomba ◴[19 Sep 25 11:50 UTC] No.45300532[source]▶
    Yahoo does recycle emails though if i recall
    8. tonymillion ◴[19 Sep 25 15:14 UTC] No.45302570[source]▶
    That actually happened with texts to a grandmothers phone number that was (eventually) reassigned.

    https://www.the-independent.com/news/uk/home-news/family-sho...

    9. thijson ◴[19 Sep 25 17:01 UTC] No.45303914[source]▶
    I heard about people that would keep the voice mail of a departed loved one on their phone undeleted. They would replay it from time to time to get the feeling that they are still there. Also they would wear their clothes to feel their presence.
    replies(1): >>45317086 #
    10. rkomorn ◴[19 Sep 25 17:04 UTC] No.45303933{4}[source]▶
    Yep. I've been trying to get one for my username.

    It's one of only two conflicts I've ever encountered online, and it's been inactive for over a decade, but I can't claim it.

    11. moioci ◴[20 Sep 25 20:23 UTC] No.45317086[source]▶
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_i59j74g3s