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Grief gets an expiration date, just like us

(bessstillman.substack.com)
461 points LaurenSerino | 2 comments | 18 Sep 25 14:17 UTC | HN request time: 0.001s | source
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graemep ◴[18 Sep 25 14:54 UTC] No.45290469[source]▶
There is a problem with rigid medical definitions. There is a huge difference between the author of this, a young pregnant woman losing her husband, and say, something like a middle aged person losing an elderly parent (as I did earlier this year). Of course it will take her far longer to recover (if at all).

I would guess her grief is not "disordered" though. As she says she functions - she works, she looks after her child, she looks after herself.

> We medicalize grief because we fear it.

Absolutely right. There is a certain cowardice in how we deal with death in the contemporary west.

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xyzelement ◴[18 Sep 25 15:18 UTC] No.45290746[source]▶
Sorry for your loss, and thank you for your perspective.

>> Absolutely right. There is a certain cowardice in how we deal with death in the contemporary west.

I never thought about it but it likely stems from loss of religion, like many other problems. If I see my life as insignificant in the chain of generations - as a conduit between ancestors and descendants - and believe in the soul at least as a metaphor - then personal death or that of others is sad, but is in the context of a deeply meaningful existence.

On the other hand, if I am closer to atheistic hedonism/nihilism - there's nothing else but me and my thoughts and experiences, then my existence or non-existence takes on a very heavy weight - and we project that onto others.

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1. rdiddly ◴[18 Sep 25 16:24 UTC] No.45291597[source]▶
Which is probably why religion was developed in the first place, for its comforting effects, as a balm, a bravery-enhancer, a coping strategy for dealing with inevitable death.

I think the way we deal with death nowadays has more to do with arrogance or hubris, coupled with wishful thinking. We're used to thinking we control things, and can get anything we want. One thing useful from the religions was having a healthy sense of your own limitations, or you could say a sense of wonder or mystery or perspective. A reminder that you're not the most powerful thing in the universe. Which is true, and healthy to be aware of, whether any god exists or not.

Edit to add: There are few places where that hubris and certainty tend to be more pronounced than among doctors. Part of what this woman is grieving is probably the loss of certainty, of control or the illusion thereof.

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2. graemep ◴[18 Sep 25 17:34 UTC] No.45292533[source]▶
> Which is probably why religion was developed in the first place, for its comforting effects, as a balm, a bravery-enhancer, a coping strategy for dealing with inevitable death.

It maybe a factor, but I do not think it was the main one. Death is still very hard to cope with, regardless of religious belief. There are other things behind religious belief, mostly experiences.

> I think the way we deal with death nowadays has more to do with arrogance or hubris, coupled with wishful thinking