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Why We Spiral

(behavioralscientist.org)
318 points gmays | 4 comments | 14 Sep 25 14:46 UTC | HN request time: 0.611s | source
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SamoyedFurFluff ◴[14 Sep 25 18:04 UTC] No.45241919[source]▶
As a person with long experiences in trauma responses, I see this sort of behavior pattern everywhere. There’s so much “trust your gut!!” advice when the gut can be deeply wrong especially when it comes to identifying interpersonal threats. We don’t educate people in how to process their feelings in a healthy manner and to differentiate what they feel is happening and how they should behave. This results in anything like saying someone has “bad vibes” to be a reason to exclude them, to actively covering for someone with a known pattern of harming people simply because they are charming.
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1. andrewflnr ◴[14 Sep 25 18:51 UTC] No.45242303[source]▶
But you also get disasters when people ignore their gut/"vibes" and try to do the "rational" thing based on more easily nameable evidence. The gut is not reliable, but it is a model that's trained on a lot of data and shouldn't be ignored. As usual there are no easy answers.
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2. SamoyedFurFluff ◴[14 Sep 25 23:00 UTC] No.45244159[source]▶
Frankly being able to point to specific behaviors that trigger vibes is something that comes easily to me as someone who, again, had to work through identifying trauma responses and reacting accordingly. It’s just a skill I think more people would benefit from picking up. I respond really poorly when I don’t feel understood, but I also have a tendency to be vague on details so it is normal for me to get misunderstood. Recognizing this is useful because I can use my gut frustration as an indicator, not that whoever I’m talking to is a moron or are intentionally bad faith misinterpreting me, but that I may be lacking clarity.
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3. andrewflnr ◴[15 Sep 25 00:07 UTC] No.45244645[source]▶
Strong agree that more people should have that skill. I've tried to get better at it but I'm probably still pretty meh.

I think good emotional regulation stuff like this would ideally be taught starting in kindergarten along with "don't hit your classmates". Maybe in a better time.

4. whstl ◴[15 Sep 25 11:08 UTC] No.45248318[source]▶
100% this.

Some people are indeed very good at picking up on specific behaviours. The problem is that requires maturity and self reflection, so it's not something you learn in a day.

The lesson here should be that trusting one's gut might be good, but acting out on it is bad. Don't spiral. Don't confront the possible charlatan. Don't react on your gut the second after the other guy stole your credit.