Why We Spiral

I think it's useful to try to always assume the best from others:

  - If they aren't being friendly this will irritate them in a way they cannot object to too openly.
  - If they are friendly it will avoid damage and even start an upward spiral.

When you're not feeling good enough it's sometimes helpful to remember that even people who create negative impacts often get into positions of power and stay there for one reason or another. i.e if they can do something very badly then why are you so worried about whether you are worthy?

Finally, remember that lots of people feel like you - so try to do little things that start them on an upward spiral. The more you do this for other people, the more they will be glad to see you.

For people trying to sit more in the middle, forcing a neutral balance is another way to do it: don't burn bridges and don't over assume people's feelings.

That means not one-upping snark, but also keeping a healthy default distance with people you deal with professionaly.

One might miss some genuinely heartful exchanges, but it also makes the worst times way easier to deal with. Compensating for keeping too much distance is usually easy, repairing problematic exchanges is way way harder.

Except this is self sabotaging, because you have no deep connection you stay alone and feel alone, ultimately spiralling.