Is it possible to allow sideloading and keep users safe?

> Are you allowed to run whatever computer program you want on the hardware you own?

Yes. It is a basic human right.

> This is a question where freedom, practicality, and reality all collide into a mess.

No; it isn't. The answer is clear and not messy. If you are not allowed to run programs of your choice, then it is not your hardware. Practicality and "reality" (whatever that means) are irrelevant issues here.

Maybe you prefer to use hardware that is not yours, but that is a different question.

Or it's not a computer and really something more like a television. In that case these things should be thought of as a vice rather than a productivity tool.

The social structure of the smartphone app ecosystem is remarkably similar to the cable provider -> network -> show situation from before too.