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Are we the baddies?

(geohot.github.io)
693 points AndrewSwift | 5 comments | 06 Jul 25 05:36 UTC | HN request time: 0s | source
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csours ◴[06 Jul 25 06:35 UTC] No.44478357[source]▶
Before you pay for boosts on a dating app, pay for good pictures.

Here is what a man seeking woman profile needs:

1. Good Pictures. Honest. Good lighting. Appropriate grooming and attire (whatever than means in your social context). Smile in a carefree way in most of the pictures.

2. Attractive man in the pictures.

3. No icks.

Yes the pictures are more important than being attractive.

As a matter of storytelling, the theme is "aspirational", but the particular aspiration is up to you.

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1. nemothekid ◴[06 Jul 25 07:15 UTC] No.44478539[source]▶
I’ve come to realize that dating apps are just outright hostile to honest newcomers who don’t know the implicit rules.

It starts with picking the “right” pictures, then saying the “right” things then choosing the “right” place and then confirming at the “right” time. Eventually you are just going down a checklist rather than being your authentic self. If you find yourself minmaxing in this way, take a break.

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2. ◴[06 Jul 25 07:32 UTC] No.44478611[source]▶
3. zdc1 ◴[06 Jul 25 07:41 UTC] No.44478654[source]▶
To be fair, society and social interactions are full of implicit rules. Put a bunch of people in a room(/train/company/island/club/cult) and they will make up some rules along the way.

Someone catch your eye at a party? You'll probably take a moment to choose what you want to say to them there too

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4. pydry ◴[06 Jul 25 10:11 UTC] No.44479378[source]▶
mating has historically almost always been a pretty hostile and unfair experience. That is why female ancestors outnumber male 2:1.
5. nemothekid ◴[06 Jul 25 13:10 UTC] No.44480518[source]▶
No that’s fair - I don’t think I articulated the difference between normal social rules and dating apps.

What I’ve found is that the first couple of interactions (up until the second date) can be completely formulaic - and what can look like outward success is just a treadmill.

If you get too good at optimizing the dating apps funnel you can find yourself on a regular rotation of dates without actually connecting with anyone.