Except they're not though. Buyers are juggling many more criteria and safety is only a "nice to have" after fitness for purpose is achieved. Like no amount of internet fanboys screeching about Volvo's safety record will make someone who wants a roadster buy one over a Miata.
While I'm sure there is some amount of the affect you're describing the lion's share of it is likely CAFE rules favoring larger footprint vehicles effectively discounting SUVs causing them to be a better bang for your buck.
>It's not clear at all to me how a crash involving two SUVs is much safer than,
It is by the simple physics of having more distance to dissipate force over and less distance between the occupants and stuff in the cabin.
> This all points towards a runaway tragedy of the commons that can be solved by limiting vehicle mass.
Which will never happen because the same exact upper middle class demographics that screech all over the internet about safety are the exact same people who would see their buying choices degrade as a result of such.