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Why some friendships end after kids come into the picture

(text.npr.org)
35 points mooreds | 1 comments | 18 May 25 12:26 UTC | HN request time: 0.201s | source
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Elaris ◴[18 May 25 13:57 UTC] No.44021465[source]▶
I really resonate with this. Since having a child, most of my time revolves around them. There’s no time for myself, no time for friends. The friends I used to be close with have slowly drifted away. I’ve been living like this for three years now, and while watching my child grow up fills me with happiness, there are moments when I feel lost. It’s like I’ve lost a bit of myself along the way. I wonder if anyone else has felt this way, and how they’ve managed to find balance between being a parent and staying connected to who they were before.
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1. akamaka ◴[18 May 25 15:16 UTC] No.44021996[source]▶
This sounds a lot like:

> Reason No. 3: We only want to hang out like old times

I see this happen with many of my friends who have kids. They “want to stay connected to who they were before”, as you put it, and treat it like purely a scheduling problem that they don’t have enough time to do that.

As the friend, it’s very uncomfortable be witness to this. When I get invited over, they’ll arrange to put on a movie so the kids are occupied for a couple of hours and they can be their old selves, and their new family life is hidden away as if it’s some secret that I’m not invited to participate in.