I know what you mean, but a 500K software engineering job doesn't seem to match what you say...
Doesnt it? It requires a $180,000~ minimum to get by as a family of 4 including 2 kids in San Francisco according to statistics. Before taxes and unexpected expenses and other things. And VERY few people get that $500k. The rest get shafted by the system like others.
The zero-sum competition for housing absorbs any wage level you throw at it. If you can fault the employer for something in this scenario, it is for locating the role in the Bay Area. Which they would tell you is a concession to the existing talent pool.