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Why don't you move abroad?

(orkohunter.net)
189 points orkohunter | 1 comments | 20 Nov 24 08:23 UTC | HN request time: 0.001s | source
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TrackerFF ◴[20 Nov 24 09:43 UTC] No.42192247[source]▶
For some, home is where the heart is.

I've lived in 11 major cities around the world for the past 25 years, but in the end I moved back home to my rural hometown, in my home country. Remote work made that possible. I make probably 20% of what I could have done in high-COL areas like the Bay Area.

But I have a fantastic work-life balance. Make good money, relative to my peers. Clock in 9, clock out 4. Get to spend lots of time on my hobbies, never work any weekends. Live in a peaceful place with zero crime, everything is a 5 min walk from my home. Hiking trail is practically 50m from my doorstep. Family and friends live close by.

I did spend some time fighting FOMO of not living in a big city, which held me back from moving home - but COVID kind of accelerated that decision.

With that said, I always say to younger people that they should try to move out in their 20s-30s, see the world. I've never met anyone that regretted on "traveling too much".

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david-gpu ◴[20 Nov 24 10:28 UTC] No.42192536[source]▶
> I've never met anyone that regretted on "traveling too much".

And yet you eventually decided that it wasn't for you and you chose to go back home.

There are pros and cons to all possibilities, whether it is staying put, traveling as a tourist, or immigrating in a foreign country. People rarely grasp the true costs of immigrating until it is too late -- I've seen several remarkably similar examples.

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viraptor ◴[20 Nov 24 10:39 UTC] No.42192607[source]▶
They didn't say they traveled too much. Deciding to stop something doesn't mean you overdid it.
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david-gpu ◴[20 Nov 24 10:57 UTC] No.42192709[source]▶
> They didn't say they traveled too much.

Indeed, that is my point: their actions did not march their narrative. They eventually realized that it wasn't all that great and corrected course.

If being abroad was such a universally positive choice as they claim, they would have remained abroad.

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holoduke ◴[20 Nov 24 12:45 UTC] No.42193448[source]▶
The tomorrows you is a different one than the todays you. Going abroad for a few years changes your personality in a good way. The mission is complete. You can go home now.
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david-gpu ◴[20 Nov 24 14:31 UTC] No.42194193[source]▶
> The mission is complete. You can go home now

My wife and children are foreigners; "moving back" would mean uprooting them.

Also, I have lived abroad for so long that my country of origin feels foreign at this point, in what is called reverse culture shock.

You reach a point where you are a foreigner wherever you are.

I'm not saying that it's all been negative; far from it. But I can't universally recommend people to try living abroad after what I've seen both personally and in other immigrants I've known over the years.

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nickd2001 ◴[20 Nov 24 15:01 UTC] No.42194468[source]▶
I think you're giving invaluable info here and doing a public service :) Having lived abroad a few years myself, its exciting, wonderful, broadens the mind etc, for a certain amount of time. But trade-offs emerge. Loneliness is a thing. Its difficult to make "new old friends". Well, at least, takes time! Living abroad contributed to my getting married later (back home) and being an older Dad. Marrying someone from a different country has all the issues you allude to. When I returned home I got reverse culture shock, it was tough, things had changed. Thankfully I kept in touch which some great friends, who are still there now. So grateful to them for not forgetting our friendship. I think these issues BTW, apply within one's own country too. In the UK its traditional for middle-class kids to go to another city for university. They often meet a partner there. Then bingo, one or both settle far from where they grew up. So friends and family are hours away. Now with increased costs , more people are studying nearer home cos they can't afford that. This is often reported as a bad thing but I wonder if being forced to study nearer home therefore meet a partner from nearer, may lead to higher ultimate happiness. When our kids grow up, I 100% wouldn't wanna "clip their wings" or be selfish. But, also kind of hope they don't permanently move far away. But if their true loves come from other countries, well, that's destiny I guess....
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1. david-gpu ◴[20 Nov 24 17:39 UTC] No.42196336[source]▶
> I think these issues BTW, apply within one's own country too. [...] Then bingo, one or both settle far from where they grew up. So friends and family are hours away.

YES, absolutely. It happened to my parents and their siblings as well. And it's not something that people get into with a good understanding of the tradeoffs they are making -- it's easy to fool ourselves thinking that videoconferencing and cheap flights will magically eliminate the problem. It doesn't work like that in practice, and I made that mistake myself.

> I wonder if being forced to study nearer home therefore meet a partner from nearer, may lead to higher ultimate happiness. When our kids grow up, I 100% wouldn't wanna "clip their wings" or be selfish. But, also kind of hope they don't permanently move far away

Yeah, that mirrors my sentiment as well. Raising children while away from your extended family is tough. Rather than spending 10 years with extreme childcare responsibilities, I wish we were closer to family so that we could (a) get some hands-on experience with caretaking before raising our own kids, (b) get a couple of hours a week off from taking care of our own kids, and (c) allowing our parents to spend some quality time with their grandchildren without having to travel across continents with small kids to make it happen.

It would have been a more gentle curve spread over more time, and a chance to spend time with our extended family. Now, I've also heard there's a flip side to that, where people get sick of their relatives being too involved in how to raise their kids, etc. It's all a tradeoff.