Treating bullying as everyone's problem reduces incidence in primary schools

I always found it really frustrating that a "zero tolerance" policy to bullying seemed to disproportionately affect people who eventually fight back.

I would guess it's a combination of "nobody sees the first hit" (since your attention is elsewhere, of course) and that bullies get quite good at testing boundaries and thus know how to avoid detection.

But, really, it's truly frustrating that as I child I was bullied relentlessly, and when I finally took my parents advice and stood my ground, I was expelled from school (due to zero tolerance). Those bullies continued to torment some other kids, of course.

This is far from an uncommon situation, over the years I've heard many more scenarios like this.

I was also expelled for fighting back. This was how I learned that documentation is important in life.

When I got the paperwork saying I was out, my parents sent back all the correspondence with the school, the dates the bully bothered me, and the responses (or lack thereof) from the school. I was reinstated and the bully went to another district.

Bullying in my day was at least bearable because it was confined to times when I was physically near the bully. Kids today have it so much worse with social media. It's genuinely terrifying. I don't wonder why many teens are anxious. Everything they do is documented.

> Bullying in my day was at least bearable because it was confined to times when I was physically near the bully. Kids today have it so much worse with social media.

I don't get it. Anything a bully can do to you over social media, they can also do to you without using the internet at all. Anything they needed to be near you to do, they still need to be near you to do.

it sounds like you just don't know what it's like to be bullied. it's not just about the verbal knowledge that tomorrow at school you'll be hit. it's the visceral anxiety that tomorrow at school you will be hit. without social media, you can try to block it out of your mind and pretend it's not happening. with social media, I assume, you are constantly reminded of what's happening, because now the bully can reach out to you and directly remind you.

the reason I said assume there is because I went to school before social media - but my biggest bully was my dad, so it was impossible to completely escape the bullying. in fact I loved going to school, because those bullies I could handle. I gave them as much grief as I took. but the one at home I was stuck with, because he controlled all my movements and time with people outside school hours.

I expect cyberbullying isn't very different, traumatically speaking.

I think you hit the nail on the head with your distinction between knowledge and anxiety, although I think you over specify it a littls when you say _verbal_ knowledge. The same exact thing is true for _textual_ threats.

At least for me, the physical aspects of bullying never mattered much. As you say, you can simply punch back. What mattered to me was the excluding otherness I felt never getting to be part of the collective. I still struggle with that.

Ironically, social media sort of helped me there. Forums led me to people who would accept me. I played games with people, I could chat with them, they were willing to accept me.