Treating bullying as everyone's problem reduces incidence in primary schools

Defending yourself is always the right move. When one of my sons was being bullied in elementary school, I taught him how to fight and encouraged him to do so. The bullying ended, but he was suspended. I confronted his principal and got her to admit that she would defend herself if someone was pummeling her. She didn't like this, and subsequently expelled my son, who later won honors awards after transferring to a different school.

I absolutely agree with you but I can't avoid noticing an extremely common, yet pervasive irony.

The rules of the school no doubt forbid physical violence and expect children to use a process set up by the system to defend themselves against bullying / being wronged. That system failed and because you rightfully saw your son's right to self defense more important than following the rules, you encouraged him to defend himself outsides the confines of the system and its rules.

Later both you and your son were bullied / wronged by the principal. The rules of the state you live in ("laws") no doubt forbid physical violence / being wronged. That system failed...

In the end his son got awarded. And learnt to stand up for him self. Seems double win on his side.

That was the outcome in this case but in general it can be very damaging for someone to lose most of their social circle. The principal's goal was to save face at the expense of harming the son. The fact that he came out on top is irrelevant to the morality of the principal's behavior.

The principal is in a position of power which cannot be held accountable within the confines of the system. Such positions are ripe for abuse and in fact attract people who want to abuse power.

As a society, we should design rule systems in such a way that each position can be held accountable.

>She didn't like this, and subsequently expelled my son

Name and shame the principal and school. Nothing changes otherwise!

The quiet part out loud here is that [REDACTED].

>The principal's goal was to save face at the expense of harming the son.

Call the local media, father & son duo to be arrested from sidewalk in front of school official's home for camping in protest of his son's expulsion after protesting a wrongful suspension. (Repeat for the bully's home, then back to the principal's, then run for the school board and when you win make that principal's life hell in that district. Bury a kilo of cocaine in her back yard and phone a tip in. Etc.)

I'm not going to name her, but I left out some even more damning information about the incident. She torpedoed our efforts to get my son moved to another school within the same district, and was trying to push him into a (LA County) school for troubled kids. She also called a SARB (School Attendance Review Board) meeting because he was absent (because of his suspension). It was the first SARB meeting for a student as young as my son. We were illegally forbidden from having our psychologist present during the meeting, and I was threatened with arrest for questioning the authority of a police officer who was present.

After all of that, I contacted my friend who happened to be on the School Board. He got me in touch with the Deputy Superintendent, who got my son placed in another (excellent) in-district school, where he excelled.

Both of my parents were teachers, and I'm familiar with school politics and their fiefdoms. If I had not had the benefit of this knowledge, we probably would have switched to a private school.

The lesson learned is that you need the right connections to sidestep problematic situations.