Ask HN: How do you communicate in a remote startup?

ALL work is transactional. I solve your problems, you pay me money.

I have family and friends for "social interaction" and "meaning". I do not seek that from a job, nor do I want a job that claims to provide it.

Any recruiter that tells me "our company is like a family" gets a reply that says "so i can cry on your shoulder in case of a bad breakup, and you'll help me move furniture?" and then gets blocked.

This is such a simplistic take. There is a huge gulf between "We are a family" saccharine corporate BS and "I am a cog in the machine. I am forced to make conversation. Hello Coworker How Do You Do" robo-employee mnemonic.

Personally I prefer to work with people who have a sense of humor, self-awareness about the importance (or lack of) of our work, have some interesting things to talk about it, can be surprising, etc. They don't have to be my best friend ever but I don't want to be bored.

I think you can read between the lines of the OC.

They obviously meant social interactions in remote environments are inherently transactional.

You never make a zoom call just to say hi to your coworker when your mouse moves past the icon, but you might say hi if you walk past their desk.

100%

  > but you might say hi if you walk past their desk

No. I would never interrupt someone's flow for a "hi". What an insane take. Those like you, interrupting us for a "hi" and throwing us off a good thought process when you "walk by", is one of the main things which make us all want to work remotely, far from you, protected by a need to have a purpose for your "hi".

The "we're like family" phrase can mean many different things in the work environment, so don't read too deeply into it.

That being said, it's often a sign of poor management; managers will use "we're like family" instead of addressing problems that they need to address. It can create a very stressful situation if you're a high performer, because the expectations and handholding quickly get unreasonable.

(The song "Surface Pressure" from Encanto explains the situation exactly.)

For example, I once worked with a manager who used the "we're like family" excuse when incoming tickets were incomprehensible and missing critical information. He was just copping out of his job, which was to set processes and make sure new employees knew the processes. Instead, his expectation was that I would handhold the organization through the ticketing system.

You sound like a joy to have as a coworker…

Again… read between the lines. Think a little bit into what i said. Think about it a little critically

There are important ad hoc interactions that you have in an office that you don’t when you’re remote.

I personally prefer remote, but recognize that it’s easier to collaborate in real time in person.

> I [...] recognize that it’s easier to collaborate in real time in person.

Not everyone is you and not everyone agrees with that evidence-free claim

there is nobody in my family on whose shoulder i can cry except my wife. the friends that i have where i can do that i all met through work. and yes, coworkers have helped me move too.

"we are a family" is still a warning sign though.

it could mean that the team is a tight knit group that a newcomer will have difficulty to break into, especially an introvert.

or it could mean certain expectations towards each other that i would not understand or be comfortable with because i have not experienced any family like that

so instead of rejecting the idea i would ask some questions to find out what they mean by that.

there is a middle ground. if i walk past you and you make eye contact, i say hi. if you are focused on your screen ignoring me, then i remain silent

It’s both well known and self evident that communication is richer in person for the vast majority of people.

Not really something worth arguing about.

Water is also wet, but I don’t have a specific source to link for that.

That doesn’t account for folks who fail to make eye contact (of which there are many in tech)

it does, because i won't be greeting them, which is exactly what the poster above is asking for

After reading your comments I have decided if I'm ever a recruiter I'm going to say "we're like a family" on every communication just to weed out folks like you.

You're being downvoted because you aren't being a team player. Now please sign this PIP from your "family".

Love it, love the spite, but you will actually legitimately lose people who don't want to join a cult. If you wouldn't drive me to the airport for free, then we're not family, sorry. Save that term for, like... people who aren't paid to spend time with you.