Your situation reminds me of https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jiddu_Krishnamurti
Perhaps some of his writings can help? Also, people who think/have an internal monologue are often in a state of constantly reacting/commenting/evaluating situations internally. It's often its own kind of torment and clouds the real experience of the situation. Perhaps your kind of brain opens up opportunities that are inaccessible to others? If you have a trusted friend, perhaps they can "think" through this with you, as a back-and-forth conversation.