The moral of the story is never buy your phone from the carrier. Buy it direct from the manufacturer and you won't have to deal with this drama.
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Though I'm seriously considering going back to a $50 flip phone and enjoying the 2 weeks of battery life and general indestructibility. My current phone spends most of its time sitting on my desk doing nothing. It's hard to get excited about a newer and much BIGGER phone for $500 that will also spend most of its time sitting on my desk, doing nothing.