Why does everyone run ancient Postgres versions?

Because the actual process of upgrading Postgres is terrible.

I say this as someone who absolutely loves using it, but the actual process of upgrading Postgres is something that takes significant downtime, is error-prone and you're often better off just dumping all the databases and reimporting them in a new folder. (A good idea in general since it'll vacuum and compact indexes as well if you do it, combining a few maintenance routines in your upgrade path.)

It requires having the previous version of Postgres installed, something which can mess with a number of distro policies (not to mention docker, which is the most popular way to deploy software that will typically rely on Postgres), and unlike most software with that issue, Postgres is software you want to be managed by your distro.

Therefore, most people only upgrade by necessity - when their distro forces the upgrade or the version they're using reaches EOL.

So the real question is, why is the upgrade process so incompetently designed, and why has no one fixed this?

My opinion is Postgres was designed by software developers for software developers. The split on “which relational database to use” in my career has almost always been perfectly split between SWE vehemently demanding pgsql for the feature set, and the sysadmins having to support maintenance and production availability preferring MySQL.

One of the few things I’ve enjoyed with the move into devops and companies forcing previously “pure” developers into operational roles was their discovery that Postgres was utterly horrible to administer at a systems level. Apparently us lowly sysadmins may have had a point after all.

This is a bit tongue in cheek but really not far from my lived reality. When the focus is on features and “correctness” at the near total expense of sane systems tooling folks can develop some myopia on the subject. So many arguments with devs on my teams over this subject that were utterly horrified to find we were running MySQL for a given service.

Open source projects tend to fix the pain points its contributors experience, and I assume there were not too many contributors wanting to deal with the boring work of making administration and easy task - it’s thankless “sideways” work that won’t result in many accolades or personal satisfaction for most SWEs.

The end users are almost always developers, most of whose experiences in production entail either the equivalent of a docker container level scale system, or are simply given a connection string and the rest is a black box to them. Under those contexts I’d personally prefer Postgres as well and it wouldn’t even be close. When you get into backups, clustering, upgrades, and high availability under extreme load? IMO the story falls apart real fast.

That has not been my experience at all. The sysadmins I have worked with have strongly preferred PostgreSQL over running MySQL while the developers have cared, but less so. The reason is that when something goes wrong PostgreSQL is much easier to diagnose. So while some tasks like upgrades take less manual effort with MySQL PostgreSQL is more stable and gives better error messages for when you get paged in the middle of the night.

PostgreSQL has prioritized correctness and stability which while it has made certain features more clunky to use or taken longer time for them to be implemented, when you get paged n the middle of the night you get the time you spent back. PostgreSQL also has spent a lot of time on improving DBA experience so mixed DBA/sysadmins also usually prefer PG.