Constantly working in what OP describes as defence might also be negatively affecting the perception of cause and effect of own actions:
Specifically, we show that individuals following clock-time [where tasks are organized based on a clock**] rather than event-time [where tasks are organized based on their order of completion] discriminate less between causally related and causally unrelated events, which in turn increases their belief that the world is controlled by chance or fate. In contrast, individuals following event-time (vs. clock-time) appear to believe that things happen more as a result of their own actions.[0]
** - in my experience, clock based organisation seems to be very characteristic to what OP describes as defensive, when you become driven by incoming priorities and meetingsBroader article about impact of schedules at [1] is also highly relevant and worth the read.
[0] - https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-44347-001
[1] - https://hbr.org/2021/06/my-fixation-on-time-management-almost-broke-me
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