World conker champion found with steel chestnut, cleared of cheating

Can confirm that we had very elaborate rules for our conker championships in school in Ireland in the late 90s and early 00s.

The lore ran deep too - conkers were varnished in different ways, hardened in front of fireplaces, secret conker trees were coveted, rules were sometimes broken, airplanes were usually not allowed, disputes were not always mitigated, the occasional teacher grumbled. Fun was had.

Wait how do airplanes fit into all this?

I was curious too:

> An "airplane" in conkers is when a player swings their conker in a wide, sweeping, horizontal motion, typically at about shoulder height.

Did you have 'stamps' in Ireland too?

When a player's conker comes off the string but remains whole, the opponent can call "stamps!!" and attempt to stamp it to pieces.

Two lads set themselves up in the business of selling conkers one year.

Any accidentally dropped conkers were stamped on by any and all in the vicinity.

A conker that survived to the next year was considered "seasoned", although many's the wizened tippex-covered lump of questionable provenance appeared under this explanation.

Correct, yes.

We had an explicit "no stamping" rule, which could be overturned by agreement before a game.

Actually, we used to have a rhythmic string of rules which were very sayable, which I can't remember, along the lines of "no stamping no biting no _____ no _____ no ...", with a list of things, and a rhyme or two in there. I'm going to ask any old friends I run into and see if I can get the full thing back again.

I'm pretty sure the first two were no stamping and no biting though. If you'd anything like that, I'd love to hear it!

I seem to remember that conkers with a flat side and sharp edge were called cheesecutters.

Nope, nothing like that. Apart from not varnishing the conker I don't think we had any rules at all. It was a free-for-all. South London, late 90s.

EDIT - and right on time, south London rules show up in today's Guardian

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/oct/16/nut-pimping-...