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The Missing Missing Reasons

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37 points Clewza313 | 3 comments | 19 Aug 21 07:18 UTC | HN request time: 0.001s | source
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quadcore ◴[19 Aug 21 20:32 UTC] No.28238996[source]▶
Most people and parents are harassers not knowing they are harassers. Most parent treat their child as a possession as well, being the root of abusive behaviours. All of those things are difficult to explain for the average person and difficult to listen to and understand for the average parent.

Harassement and abusive behaviours are a way bigger problem that people think it is. My opinion is that more than 50% of people at least are harassers and abusers to a degree or another. This is just how society used to work not long ago and since the dawn of mankind.

What can be done is teaching kids what harassment and abusive behaviours are. Most people think their behaviours are normal. My mom who has a relatively high education speaks to me in a completely abusive way. As do my father who has 2 engineering degrees.

replies(1): >>28239038 #
SkittyDog ◴[19 Aug 21 20:36 UTC] No.28239038[source]▶
What basis do you have for concluding that the number is more than 50%? Is there any data that suggests that?

I'd agree that these kinds of dysfunction are common enough to be visible, but I've never seen any actual numbers about the prevalence of this kind of behavior.

replies(1): >>28239136 #
quadcore ◴[19 Aug 21 20:43 UTC] No.28239136[source]▶
My own observations. (note this could highly vary from country to country as well)

Thanks for your comment. My guess would be you are just not trained to see those behaviours.

edit: note this is surfacing in the game and movie industries right now. This is entire companies crippled by harassment and abusive behaviors (not only sexual ones).

edit2: an example. Your boss doing what he do to keep his position is using harassment. To a degree or another. Though it feels normal to you and me, like it used to be normal to joke about different people.

replies(2): >>28239319 #>>28240225 #
1. SkittyDog ◴[19 Aug 21 21:01 UTC] No.28239319{3}[source]▶
Actually, my own personal observations would tend to agree with you... I see dysfunction everywhere I look, and my social & family circles are brimming with people who've suffered from family dysfunction. If I took my own observations as a fair random sample, I would definitely believe your conclusion.

I come from a dysfunctional family background. I've spent a lot of time in therapy & recovery, and learned a considerable amount about this kind of behavior.

I'm also aware that my own experience biases me toward seeing this behavior, everywhere. If anything, I tend to over-pathologize people around me, as an artifact of practicing the kind of thinking that I needed to do in order to get better... And my personal sample of observing the human race is pretty heavily weighted toward other people who definitely have pathologies, because I've spent so much time with them in meetings and groups.

It's really common for people with this kind of history to feel like "Everybody I meet turns out to be messed up... All my friends, family, and romantic partners seem to be dysfunctional, too." This isn't an accident, though... Messed up people are drawn to other messed-up people, for a lot of reasons.

Anyway, point being... I have to work to maintain awareness that my personal observations are probably not a fair, random sample of the population. I don't trust my intuition in this regard, because I know that I've been so hyper-focused on it, my whole life.

replies(1): >>28239636 #
2. quadcore ◴[19 Aug 21 21:33 UTC] No.28239636[source]▶
Oh I think I have a method for you. Ask yourself the following question at least once a day for 5 days: is it pleasurable in my head right now? Just ask yourself that question, this is the method. It is magic. It will activate your natural abilities to snap in a good mood (like if you were given a good gift for example), to get yourself in the now, understand your dysfunctions, accept all situations and so forth. It will also tell you if you need meds (when your natural abilities dont trigger anymore). Also dont forget that you need chaos, some of the times, so don't whip yourself about it.

is it pleasurable in my head right now? Just ask yourself that question, for 5 days.

edit: please post back here in 5 days to give me your feedback if that's ok to ask

replies(1): >>28240038 #
3. SkittyDog ◴[19 Aug 21 22:16 UTC] No.28240038[source]▶
That's a neat idea, thank you for the suggestion. Where did you pick that up?