←back to thread

The Missing Missing Reasons

(www.issendai.com)
37 points Clewza313 | 2 comments | 19 Aug 21 07:18 UTC | HN request time: 0.577s | source
Show context
bena ◴[19 Aug 21 20:13 UTC] No.28238764[source]▶
I've seen this before, it's a not uncommon link to see thrown around any time someone wants to accuse someone of being disingenuous of the reason for someone else's anger or resentment.

Although even the piece notes that sometimes people are just shitty, sometimes the reason isn't that the estranged did something wrong. And in that case, the estranged could genuinely not know.

And that those who know don't hang around forums like the ones mentioned because they aren't helpful. If you know why someone is estranged from you and you can articulate those reasons, you go to a place that deals with those reasons.

Although I'm curious what prompted you to post this.

replies(1): >>28239165 #
1. SkittyDog ◴[19 Aug 21 20:45 UTC] No.28239165[source]▶
There's a big correlation between parents who cause a lot of damage to their kids, and parents who are incapable of honestly addressing their own failings.

The common cause is that these parents have some kind of disordered personality, mostly in the "Cluster B" direction (NPD, BPD, etc)... They tend to display a lot of shitty behaviors, generally, because they lack the self-awareness to change.

replies(1): >>28245723 #
2. bena ◴[20 Aug 21 13:32 UTC] No.28245723[source]▶
My point is that that goes both ways, children can also cause damage to their kids. The piece even admits that.

Basically, All X are Y, but not all Y are X. Shitty people become estranged parents but not all estranged parents are shitty people. Estranged parents who frequent forums specifically for estranged parents are a subset.

But it is a popular piece. Partly because it can be used to explain certain patterns of behavior. Partly because it's easy to weaponize. Now, if you are genuinely unaware of what you may have done to cause an issue, or if you actually haven't done anything worthy of a response, someone can whip this out on you to accuse you of being vague to hide how shitty you truly were.

So without any context to frame this piece, I was curious as to why the poster posted it.