The Missing Missing Reasons

> Members who have aired their children's grievances outside the endlessly enabling warmth of estranged parents' forums have been stung by people who took their children's side, and they've learned not to give their opponents ammunition

I.e. just another bubble of circle jerking losers who can't handle recognizing their own role in things.

What else is on.

"Man, you know, I give an uninvolved, objective stranger my slanted version of the truth, without all the other people being present to give their side. How is it that they can still figure out that it all may have been my fault? They must be trolling me!"

"Come on, why can't you see I was totally right in coming out to the skate park and smacking around that 18-year-old brat in front of everyone. He was failing school! Well, that's the last time I reveal that episode to any person outside of the estranged parents' forum where everyone is smart and agrees with everything I say."

I thought the thesis about how different people privilege emotion over facts, how emotion is reality for some people, was very interesting:

> The difference isn't a matter of style, it's a split between two ways of perceiving the world. In one worldview, emotion is king. Details exist to support emotion. If a member gives one set of details to describe how angry she is about a past event, and a few days later gives a contradictory set of details to describe how sad she is about the same event, both versions are legitimate because both emotions are legitimate.

> [...] Emotion creates reality.

> In the second worldview, reality creates emotion. Members want the full picture so they can decide whether the poster's emotions are justified. Small details can change the entire tenor of a forum's response; members see a distinction between "She said I'm worthless" and "She said something that made me feel worthless." Members recognize that unjustified emotions (like supersensitivity due to trauma, or irritation with another person that colors the view of everything the person does) are real and deserve respect, but they also believe that unjustified emotions shouldn't be acted on.