macOS unable to open any non-Apple application

You've got to be kidding me. When Apple's servers are down, all Macs worldwide start freezing randomly? My XCode is hanging during builds, is this why?

This code signing enforcement stuff has gone way too far. Heads should roll for this.

Wait what happens if you don't have an internet connection? Can Macs not be used offline any more, surely that's still a relatively common use case for a laptop even today in a lot of places?

My understanding is that if you're offline, it skips this check and everything works fine. The reason this is a big deal is that the problem's on their end, so you're not offline, so it keeps trying and waiting instead of just letting you skip the check.

That still seems weird. Why does running unrecognized software become safe when you're off line?

It's a security theater