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For black CEOs in Silicon Valley, humiliation is a part of doing business

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677 points saeedjabbar | 5 comments | 16 Jun 20 15:19 UTC | HN request time: 0s | source
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ibudiallo ◴[16 Jun 20 22:05 UTC] No.23544856[source]▶
I usually choose to believe in "the honest mistake". It happens, two people walk in, one of them is the CEO, you assume it is the one on the right. And then when you realize it is a mistake, you apologize. We are only human.

But when it happens over and over and over, you can't help but feel frustrated. You realize that people natural instinct is to think you are the subordinate. One second your are on stage at Techcrunch (I was in 2017), where you have clearly introduced yourself. You get off-stage, they greet your colleague and ask him the questions as if he was on stage.

I was often in the interview room waiting for my interviewer, only to have him show up, and tell me I must be in the wrong room. A simple "Hey are you XYZ?" could have avoided this frustration.

I've written an article about my experience working as a black developer, I'll post it here in the near future. You wouldn't believe how lonely it is. In my team of 150 people, we were two black people.

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js2 ◴[16 Jun 20 22:52 UTC] No.23545309[source]▶
I am Jewish. This gives me no insight into what it is to be black in America. But it does give me some insight into what it is to be a minority in America. I have an inkling of your loneliness and you have my profound sympathy. I wish everyone could experience what it is to be a minority in some, any, aspect of their identity to the extent that it might provide them some empathy for others.

(I also never realized what it must feel like to be a Christian in America until I visited Israel for the first time and had a sense of being among "my people", which didn't really make any sense because I'm not Israeli, but at the same time it felt comforting being among so many Jews in a greater way than when I'm at temple.)

Of course, unless I announce I am Jewish, I know I'm not being judged by it. I can only imagine how difficult it is that whenever you are slighted, you don't know for certain whether it is due to being black. It must be very hard not to start assuming that it's always the reason.

I'll watch for your future post. I look forward to reading it.

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1. hanspeter ◴[17 Jun 20 07:06 UTC] No.23548627[source]▶
> I also never realized what it must feel like to be a Christian in America until I visited Israel for the first time

I'm pretty sure white atheists in America feel equally among "my people" as Christians do (unless they're in a church or other highly religious surroundings).

It's also an odd comparison as religion is a choice, where race or ethnicity is not.

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2. BerislavLopac ◴[17 Jun 20 09:07 UTC] No.23549364[source]▶
Technically, religion is a choice; but in practice it is usually as much a choice as one's native language. People who are lucky to grow up with access to scientific education and varied cultural awareness are more easily able to choose the religion they want (if any); but many people (I would dare say the majority, on the global scale) are only exposed to a single, often very narrow mindset heavily defined by "religion" (to which one can include formally non-religious mindsets, like anti-vaxxers for example). For them, it takes a lot of effort to change their initial programming, assuming they ever get a chance at it.

As for ethnicity, while again technically it is not a "choice", I'm not really sure it can be clearly defined. A friend was mine was born in Italy to British parents, his wife was Bosnian and two of their children were born in the US -- what is their ethnicity?

3. ShroudedNight ◴[17 Jun 20 09:14 UTC] No.23549397[source]▶
> ...as religion is a choice...

It's not clear to me what aspects of religion would be obvious candidates for being described as a 'choice'. Personally, the fundamental aspects seem to operate as primal psychological forces, and overt action in contravention to them rapidly erodes things like confidence and self-esteem, while increasing things like anxiety. Every once in a while, people will definitely work against those pressures, but I would expect that behaviour to be unsustainable in the long term for the vast majority.

4. humanrebar ◴[17 Jun 20 11:40 UTC] No.23550227[source]▶
I'll agree that Christians do not feel among "my people" unless they are in their particular church culture. Even going to a drastically different type of church can feel out of place. Put a Pentecostal in a traditional Greek Orthodox service and ask if it felt like home.

I'll also ask that atheists stop referring to religion as a choice. Atheists have as much of a say in whether God exists as anybody else. It would be patronizing to tell firm atheists that they chose atheism when clearly in the atheists mind, they are just reacting to reality. Likewise a theist doesn't have a say in whether an almighty creator exists and has opinions or not.

5. js2 ◴[21 Jun 20 01:23 UTC] No.23588902[source]▶
For most Jews, Judaism is more than a religion. It's core to our identity for many of us. All of the Jews who died in the holocaust didn't have a choice to just stop being Jewish.

To be clear: I'm not trying to compare being Jewish to being Black. I'm saying that I can draw empathy from the Jewish part of my identity toward other people who have been mistreated because of part of their identity.

Also, even if it were a choice, I would no more give it up than anyone else should have to give up their race or ethnicity or any other part of their identity just to fit in.