MacOS Catalina: Slow by Design?

Sorry but it's just not happening for me, on macOS 10.15.3, on my late 2016 MBP. (And I've certainly never done anything like disable SIP.)

I run the commands and get:

  Hello
  /tmp/test.sh  0.00s user 0.00s system 8% cpu 0.045 total
  Hello
  /tmp/test.sh  0.00s user 0.00s system 75% cpu 0.005 total

If I'm reading this correctly, the first run takes less than a twentieth of a second, and the second a two-hundredth? I've never experienced anything like "have the entire machine freeze for 1-2 seconds every 10th minute". And I have the slowest internet package I can buy.

The only delay that's ever noticeable is when running a program I've installed for the first time, which yes usually seems to take a few seconds, before often telling me the application couldn't be verified or something, do I want to run it anyways. Which makes sense if you're running a checksum on a 400 MB application binary. But after that first time, starting an app is always instant.

Can anyone else elucidate what the author is talking about? They're presenting it as a universal, but maybe there's something else going on with their machine? Clearly something's wrong on their end, but possibly it's just some kind of bug. I'd avoid jumping to conclusions that executables taking a second to launch is "by design".

EDIT: switching from zsh to sh gives more granular results:

  Hello
  
  real 0m0.009s
  user 0m0.002s
  sys 0m0.003s
  Hello
  
  real 0m0.005s
  user 0m0.001s
  sys 0m0.003s